“No. It’s not.” I cleared my throat and ran a thumb over my lip. “I do love your mouth on me though.”
He smiled. “Trust me, baby. I love how you taste. I love everything about you.”
I laughed. “Well, that’s just unrealistic.”
“No.” He kissed my wrist, closing his eyes for a second. “I do, Char. But mostly, I love how you give your love to everyone around you.”
I trembled. His words were laced with passion, and he kept kissing me everywhere. My wrist, my arm, my fingers. “Hayden—”
“I broke your trust, and I’m going to do everything to earn it back. I know it’ll take some time, but I swear toyou.” He gulped. “But only if you want this. I hurt you, and if you can’t forgive me, I understand.”
I ran a hand through his hair, waiting for him to meet my eyes. “You hurt me, yes. But I’ve spent most of my life in love with you. Of course I want this, you, Gwen, but you have to work on communication with me. That’s nonnegotiable.”
His jaw clenched but he nodded. Owning his mistakes like the man he was. “I’m so terribly sorry for hurting you, for putting us through this last week. For not being there the day you didn’t get the job. I—”
“Simone came back after three years, Hayden. I’m not upset about you not being there that night. That pales in comparison to everything else. If you were somehow thinking those were comparable—me not getting a coaching job and the sudden appearance of your daughter’s birth mother? They absolutely aren’t.”
He blinked. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Huh.” He ran a hand over his face and stared out the window before meeting my gaze. “I thought… So missing that night is forgivable?”
“I’m already over that. What I’m upset about is you being afraid to work through this with me. That you’d rather do everything alone than let me be with you.” I cupped his face this time, and he leaned into my hand. “I want you. All of you. The messy parts and the hard parts. Gwen, Simone, your parents, her parents, your highs and your lows.”
“You’re fucking incredible.” He closed his eyes andsighed. “Simone still has no plan. She finally told her parents she had a kid. They never knew.”
“What?” I jerked back.
“Yup. She just told them about Gwen last week. I haven’t spoken with them, but we texted a few times, and we’re going to meet tomorrow at the park.”
“Hayden.” I swallowed the ball of emotion in my throat. “That’s incredible.”
He pinched his nose as his voice came out husky. “Gwen deserves to know them and have a relationship with them.”
“Of course she does, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard.” I slid onto the floor with him and hugged him. “So even if Simone bolts again, they could want to stay in Gwen’s life?”
He nodded as he dropped his head onto my shoulder. “I told Simone she needs to see a therapist before I’d let her start to see Gwen. She is debating if she wants to. Does that make me a shitty person?”
“No.” I rubbed his back. “That means you’re a good father.”
“Hey.” He pulled back and met my eyes. “Will you be with me when I call them tomorrow?”
“Oh my God, of course I will, Hayden.” My eyes prickled. This was a huge step for him. Not only trusting me to be there on the call, but for him to open up to Simone’s mom and dad. “You’re amazing. Seriously. This is so brave of you.” I kissed his face once, twice, three times. “I think you should hear my list now.”
“List for what?”
“I saw the list you have under my name. You’ve secretlykept those notes on me. You don’t do that unless you care for someone.” I grinned and cupped his face. “You love me.”
“Shit.” His face reddened, and he gripped the back of my neck. “I mean, I do love you, but that list goes back a long time. I should’ve deleted it or something.”
“Hayden Orion Porter. I’m glad you didn’t. Now shh so I can tell you my list to show you that I love you and that I’m all in, okay?”
“Okay.” His lips quirked, and he stared at me with that half smile that I loved. “I’m listening.”
“Your favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. And cookie dough if you’re having a crap day. Best holiday movie isDie Hard, and favorite movie isRemember the Titans. You hold doors open for people, always are the last one to order if we’re in a group. You remember birthdays and always get gifts that aren’t gift cards. You’re so thoughtful and such a good son.” I sniffed. “You model what being a good human is for your daughter so much it makes me cry thinking about how lucky she is. You gave my brother confidence to love himself when no one else his age did.” My lip trembled. “You’re such a good dad that you’re doing something that is so hard. It’s easy to push people away, it’s tougher to let them in. And you’re letting in the parents of the daughter who left your baby. That is… only special people would do that, Hayden, and that’s you. You have the biggest heart, and I’m lucky I get to take care of it.”
“Char.” His voice was watery. “We can’t go into this crying.”
