What the hell? How can she just ignore me?
“Don’t wanna tell me off? Show me I’m wrong?” I goaded, desperate to see the old Ivy, the one I spent all my childhood with. The one I’d missed the last three years.
Come on, Ivy. Do it. I deserve your wrath.
She chewed her lip, like she always used to, and shook her head. Then in a monotone, emotionless voice, she said, “Honestly? You’re just not worth it.”
My ears rang with her jab, my stomach bottoming out with the worst sharp stabbing pain.I’m just not worth it.She gave me her back as she stood at the counter, her signal she was done with this conversation, and I wasn’t a total fool. I left.
The cold seeped into me again on the walk to the locker room, causing me to shiver despite the August heat still blasting central Illinois. I was in a daze really, showering and getting dressed, going through the motions. It was easy to banter with the team, to be a general pain in the ass to them.
I knew my role here. Hell, I knew it most places. I was the class clown, the tension diffuser, the one without feelings because I had everything going for me. Being the youngest child and only son, I’d had been the anti-dramatics at home, the goofball to make my mom and dad laugh. Well, that was before his affair. I didn’t want him laughing now. Here though? The season was tough, and guys had a lot to lose, so being an idiot to cheer them up came easily.
Flirting with women? That was an escape. Who didn’t enjoy feeling wanted? Desired? Being a little wild got me the validation I needed, but after living a positive-vibes only life for three years, Ivy’s reappearance knocked me on my ass.Especially her indifference.
“Everyone is buzzing about the back-to-school bash at the house tonight.” Xavier Jennings grinned at me before hitting my shoulder with his towel. “We have girls coming from out of town to try to score with us. Honestly, this is the best shit ever. Is it always like this?”
I laughed. “My dude, enjoy it. It can be if you want.”
Xavier was a sophomore who played his ass off. He’d moved into the football house this summer and was more fun than theolder guys. Where they were jaded or getting cuffed, Xavier was entering his party and make questionable decisions era, and I was here for it. I remembered the absolute joy and freedom to go wild every night, to hook up with beautiful women, maybe more than one, and to live without regrets.
People assumed I was a dumbass party boy who slept around. I wasn’t any of those things in truth. Yes, I partied but was always aware of who was there or who was filming. I slept around, but I brought my own condoms, got tested regularly, and had a pulse on who wanted to stab me in the back.
I needed to havefun.Some would say I didn’t get enough attention as a child with three older sisters who were all rockstars and badasses in their own way, so partying was a way to get that. I called bullshit. (My older sister was a therapist now and wanted to unpack that, and that was a large, fat no thanks). For me, life was too short to be grumpy all the time. It was that simple. I wanted to live it up, make others feel good, have no regrets, and leave the sport better than when I came. It was senior year, my final year here on the field, and I refused to worry about after.
I was living in the now, enjoying it.
Even if you don’t know what you wanna do with your life?
Or the fact you have no plans after college?
Or the fact your dad wants to meet to “talk?” (Yes, my mind even uses finger quotations)
So why are you concerned about Ivy? She’s been out of your life for three years.
Solid question. They all were solid questions. I ignored them all like the good compartmentalizer I was.
I danced a little, wiggling the negative feelings out, while someone played music on their speaker. Focusing on the guys, I knew exactly what we needed. Our first game against Ohio wasthis weekend, and everyone was tense. Luca Monroe, our tight end, had to play the year of his life to get drafted high in the NFL.
Our quarterback, Dean Romano, wanted the same thing.
Xavier had to keep his scholarship, and Brady had deals coming in, preparing to be the new face of the team after us seniors left. Everyone was playing with something to lose, and that meant more stress, more serious tones, more anger when shit didn’t go their way.
Luca was pissed because he was off today. I also knew his grandma had a bad fall a few days ago, so he needed to let go of steam. I knew Jamison twisted his ankle today and was pissed about losing his starting spot to Patrick. I also knew Cooper wasn’t sure if he even wanted to stay on the team with the stress of school.
What do they need? What will help them?
“Okay, Wolves, I am hereby declaring football x-games at the football house. This afternoon, three o’clock. Walk, do not drive there, as there will be beverages. Team only, so don’t try to sneak in chicks.”
“Dude, that sounds lame,” someone said.
I pointed toward the direction of the voice. “I’m sorry, are you a senior? Do you know how to handle pre-game jitters for fifty dudes? No. You don’t. Shut your mouth and show up.”
“We can’t get injured with games, Callum,” Luca Monroe said, his face set in his permanent scowl. The poor dude needed to order from Frownies, wrinkle prevention kit, because the hard lines were so ingrained into his face. Lo, his girl, would get him to do it, but that was for another day. He glared at me now.
“Understood, boss. These will not be physically-taxing games, I swear.” I held up my hands, grinning at my housemates. They looked skeptical, but Dean nodded. “My dudes, we need to get supplies.”
“Supplies for what?” Xavier said, his joy radiating off his face. He was ready to party hard. “A keg? Beer?”
