His eyes narrowed, his lips parting in shock. “I like it when you touch me.”
“You flinched when I put my fingers on your face.”
He closed his eyes again, groaning. “That wasn’t you. I like your hands on me, Mackenzie. I’m… fuck. I hate being like this.”
“What? Honest?”
“Yes.” He snorted, the sound crude. “Weak.”
“How is this weak, you sharing what you’re going through? Explain that to me, please, because I don’t understand.”
“Sometimes you stare at me like I’m the coolest thing ever, and I don’t want to ruin that. I like how you look at me, okay, and if I seem weak… your opinion might change.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not though. Not to me. I love seeing your face light up when you see me.”
“Well, Jesus.” I cleared my throat, making a mental note to chill the hell out. The last thing I wanted or needed was to be a stage five clinger where my crush on Dean became public and pathetic. When only I knew the depth of how much I crushed on him, that was fine. Everyone else learning it? Nope. No fucking thank you.
He snorted and placed a hand on my shoulder, massaging it with his rough fingers. “Your blush never gets old.”
“Not to you, but to me, yes it does. So anyway, you like how I have no chill? Cool. Cool.”
“It’s a compliment. You have a great face.” He winced, likehe realized how dumb that sounded. He ran a hand over his head, groaning. “How am I making this worse?”
“Maybe stop talking?” Laughter threatened to sneak out. Ilovedseeing him like this.
He cackled, and the joy radiated in his eyes. “I like being around you, Mallinson. You make me laugh and feel normal, like myself, and safe. God, being on the football team seemed like a fantasy the first two years. I partied, acted like a dumbass god. But the truth is, everyone wants a part of you. Someone begs for tickets to a game, a jersey, a selfie, a way to claim they knew me before I went big, or money. Everyone wants money, but you’re not like that at all.”
“Hm.” I chewed on the outside of my lip, letting his words wash over me. That sounded heavy. Lo told me girls used her all the time to get to her brother, so I was sure that element of it bothered him too. That was a lot of weight to carry.
“That one syllable felt like pity, and I don’t want that either. It’s…” He pressed his lips together tight, steepling his fingers into a triangle as he stared out the window. “I’m working through something after trust was broken in the worst kind of way. I want to share it, but I don’t know how to yet. Is that okay?”
My chest tightened. Reaching out to rest my fingers on his forearm, I paused, waiting for the slight turn of his lips, before placing it on him. His skin was warm, perfect, and I gently ran a circle with my thumb. I traced the corded muscle bulging along the side. Did I want to lick it? Yes. Not the time though. “That is more than okay. You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with, Dean.”
His entire body relaxed; his shoulders slumped, the lines around his eyes softened, and the pang behind my heart grew. How was this beautiful, strong man so nervous about sharing his thoughts? Lo talked about her feelings every second ofevery day. I knew how she felt when she woke up, if she had to pee, or if she had her period. She wore her heart on her sleeve where her twin was the opposite.
The pang shifted to guilt, the gross feeling sliding down from my chest to deep in my gut with the lies I kept from her. Did she know about Dean feeling this way about something? Would she be horrified that we snooped on her social media to see if she’d be back? I wasn’t a liar, at all, and keeping this from her felt like part of my heart was cracked. Chewing my lip, I glanced at my watch.
“I should leave, yeah.” Dean stood abruptly. “It’s late.”
“Hey, I wasn’t—That wasn’t—I wanted to see the time. It wasn’t a way to have you leave,” I said, not wanting to be alone. There were a lot of thoughts racing in my mind, dominating for the top spot. If he left, I’d obsess over everything.
“Nah, it’s not you.” He smiled, but it didn’t meet his eyes. “Luca would call me out if I didn’t come back.”
“Right. Sure.” I forced my lips to curve, mirroring his grin. Both seemed forced, fake, and awkward. The twist in my gut pulled as he walked toward the door. He’d showed a different side of himself tonight, and so much felt uncovered. As he walked out the door, he paused and glanced back at me with lips parted.
Would he ask to stay longer? To end this?
I gripped the edge of the chair, breath in my throat. But he didn’t say a thing. He waved and shut the door. Not two seconds later, my phone buzzed.
Dean: Lock up tonight.
Dean: Thank you
Why did that thank you feel worrying?
Mally, Vee, Ale, and Lo sat around our favorite booth at the bar as Mally pulled a napkin out of her purse. “The agenda, ladies. I spent time on this so appreciate me.”
