“No, I’m not an idiot. She’s with the gang in the kitchen, wanting to know about our food for a feature idea.” She coughed, lowering her voice. “I love you, but there’s no way she broke your heart. That girl is too kind and genuine, and you’re a tad too grumpy. What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did anything? She’s the one who changed the expectations and wanted more when I don’t have more to give.”
“What does that even mean? I saw how you looked at her. You followed her like a lost pup. She’s wonderful, so what’s the problem? You either wanna be with her or not. It’s not complicated.”
“It is.” I gritted my teeth, pushing up from my bed and pacing my room. Each step broke through more of my uncertainty. How had Lorelei gotten there? Had she driven herself? What if a deer hit her car? Had Callum taken her? Fuck. I scrubbed my face, frustrated at the world. “I can’t lose sight of the goal.”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Yes, but—”
“Luca. Life is too damn short to not do things that make you happy. What is this? Is it fear of someone leaving you? She clearly loves you too, so fix this. Be happy. Seeing you smile with her… you’ve had to grow up faster than most kids. You were the one with the old woman at home, and you’ve experienced heartache very few ever have had to. You’ve had this angry chip on your shoulder your entire life, and it was… watching that chip melt away the more you were with Lorelei made me happy.” She sniffed.
Worst sound in the world. I made my hero cry. “Grandma, no.”
“I want you happy. Please. It’s the point of life. What were the reasons for those sacrifices if you’re not happy? That’s what I want.” Her shaky voice was barely above a whisper, yet the impact was like she shouted.
My eyes stung.
“And I want you taken care of. Getting drafted early gets me more money, so I can pay for your—”
“Excuse me?Excuse me?” Her tone went nuclear. “If you finish this sentence, be very, very careful. It is not your damn job to ruin your life to take care of me. It is to enjoy life, figure out what you want to do. This place is fine. Perfect, even. I expect visits and phone calls. That is it. Nothing more fancy than here. I swear, Luca James Monroe, if you’re usingmeas an excuse, I will kill you. I’ll make it look like an accident too. I’ve been watching some shows.”
A horrible, snort-laugh sound escaped me. Not quite joy, not tears. “I need you healthy and safe. I owe you my life.”
“As noble as you are, I’m doing fine. Better than fine, actually. We agreed on a budget for me and we’re sticking to it. You should never worry about me. You already do so much for me, I’d never forgive myself if you sacrificed a shot at happiness. Now, here’s a real hard question. Do you want to leave school early and not graduate?”
No.“My plan was always—”
“Is that what I asked? Yes or no.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “No.”
“Then it’s settled. Now, do you want to be with Lorelei?”
“Yes.”
“Then fix whatever happened. Shit, she’s coming back. I hear her. She made Bob laugh. The grumpiest man I’ve ever known. She’s got a heart of gold, Luca, and I can’t think of anyone better suited to take yours.” She covered the phone, yelling. “Be right there, Lorelei! Okay, gotta go. Love you! Fix this! Or murder!”
She hung up, leaving me with my mind spiraling. Admitting the truth about staying here, being with Lorelei felt like a mammoth-sized weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wanted to fight my grandma, but her words kept repeating in my head, so much that they started to make sense.
She wanted me happy.
Finishing out my senior year with Dean would make me happy. Being with Lorelei, for real, would make me happy. Losing my strict routine and finding ways to enjoy life would make me happy.
I’m going to tell Dean.
That was a bolt of adrenaline, causing my knees to bounce with energy. I’d have to tell him the truth, but first… I had to talk to Lorelei.
Thank goodness I lived across from her.
* * *
She never came home, and if it weren’t for Dean casually mentioning the fact she was staying at her friend’s place, I would’ve lost my shit. She didn’t respond to my texts to call me, and each minute that passed without seeing her set my blood on fire. A painful burn. I wanted her, and now that I’d let go of my fear, my restraint, I couldn’t tell her fast enough.
Dean sat in the kitchen Sunday afternoon wearing a soccer sweatshirt and a beanie with Lorelei’s number on it. He nodded at me as I stopped in the doorway. “Hey, Monroe.”
The game! Yes! I could go watch her play!
