“That we’re done. We’ll remain friends. It’s the only way to prevent more hurt, I think.” My voice shook, but my gut settled. This was the solution best for the future. “You can focus on football again.”
“I don’t want this.”
“I don’t want to be a secret.”
We stared at each other, the air filling with a thickness that was painful. Each breath was like a little knife traveling down my lungs, poking me with the loss of Luca. No more cuddles, sneak-attack kisses, hot nights where we talked about nothing.
It was a stalemate, me not willing to sacrifice my happiness and him not sacrificing the chance of upsetting my brother.
“So, we don’t… what does…” Luca said, his face crumpling. “Will I still see you?”
“We’ll be friends, but I need some space. I caught feelings, Luca, even though I tried not to. I’m not cutting you out of my life, but I can’t be around you when I feel the way I do.”
“What if…I found another night for us to hang out? Three nights? I can move my workouts around, anything, please.”
“I don’t think so. We both want more but aren’t willing to budge.” My voice cracked. “Nothing changes with your grandma from my end. I promise.” I cupped his face, hating the finality to this conversation.
There was nothing left to say, and I wanted to cry in my room when the front door opened. Oliver or Callum was there, and I used that as my opportunity to escape. Without a backward glance, I ran upstairs and shut my door.
I’d known there was a hundred percent chance I’d end up in heartbreak, but this pain was nothing compared to losing Eric. This was worse, heavier.
I’d fallen in love with Luca Monroe, the one person who couldn’t afford to love me back. And the worst part was that I understood it. Nothing would change that.
CHAPTERTHIRTY
Luca
Self-loathing was a new one for me. It was easier to be mad at the world, not myself, but this time, it was all me. I shouldn’t have given in to temptation, to tasting her, to imaging for a short amount of time what it’d mean to be hers. Hell, being a part of her life when she damn well knew what I had to lose had no happy ending.
She’d changed the rules on me. She didn’t want to be a secret anymore, and I couldn’t blame her. This was on me. I should’ve kept on my way, random hookups, and football.
I didn’t expect to miss her.
Not like this.
It’d been a week, and Lorelei’s room sat empty. Instead of hearing her sing or walk around as she FaceTimed her friend, she wasn’t there. No music, no laughter, no hints of her delicious perfume. No wild hair I’d sneak a peek at just because it made me so happy. I heard her tell Dean she found a place with her friend. She’d be out in December. The thought of her leaving gutted me to my core. Every workout, study session, game tape, and conversation I had since that chat was dulled, distorted, lacking in color and joy.
People chose to do this, have relationships and develop feelings. It was messy and gross, and it distracted me from my normal life. It was a Saturday, and we had an off week, so it wasn’t like I could dive into football and obsess over my last performance. Football was who I was, and without devoting every second to it, I didn’t know what to do, who to be.
Be a better friend. A boyfriend. Grandson.
I could see if Dean wanted to hang. Yeah, I’d do that. But first, I called my grandma. She’d help me figure this out. I fell onto my bed, my phone already to my ear.
“Is there a reason why you’re calling instead ofbeinghere with your frail old lady?”
My lips twitched. “No one would call you frail.”
“I’m precious. On the tail end. You should be here with Lorelei, boy. It’d be fun to razz ya.”
“Lorelei’s there?” I asked, my stomach hollowing out. That was our thing. It wasmygrandma. She went without me and didn’t even tell me. The lingering heartache doubled in size, an ache in my stomach forming like I’d worked out too hard without rest.
My grandma sucked in a breath. “She is, Luca. She told me you were stressed about an assignment and wanted to come.”
Silence.
“She lied for you.” Then, my grandma said, “Now, I wondered because she seemed sad. The light wasn’t there in her gaze. Mm, you tell me what happened right now.”
“Grandma, is she listening?” My face heated.
