“Yes.”
“He didn’t deserve it from you.” He walked toward me, his jaw set in a hard line. Once he stopped in front of me, he ran his hand down my arm, ending with my fingers. He squeezed my hand once before letting go. “Are you okay?”
I expected a sarcastic comment or something, not for him to use a gentle voice and ask in such a kind way. My voice shook, so I cleared my throat. “I am. Yeah. That’s…nice of you to ask.”
“I care about you, Lorelei.” His mouth lifted in a half-smile, his eyes blazing with heat andtenderness?It wouldn’t be love, that was crazy. But something soft hid behind his eyes, making my own feelings double.
He cupped my face, running his thumb over my lip. “I really fucking care about you. I don’t know what to do about it. I tried to stay away the last few days—”
“I knew it.” I shook his hand off, stepping back. “You can’t—”
“Because I’m scared, alright?” He let out a humorless laugh. “We have too much to lose, too much to risk. I want things with you I haven’t wanted before.”
“Like what?” I asked, breathless. I craved that too, so badly. It had taken most of my energy to avoid thinking about thealmostswith him. Honestly impressed myself with how much I managed to tune out. Like how my feelings were in dangerous territory, near the point of no return. I wanted his grandma to be mine, his smiles to belong to me, and to take care of him. For him to put me first.
But that wasn’t a part of the deal. Our friends with secret benefits situation that I looked forward to and dreaded twice a week. Keeping it from Dean also hurt part of my soul. I didn’t lie to my brother, my twin. I didn’t share every detail of my life, but we knew the big things, and this was the biggest.The fact I’m in love with Luca Monroe.
Wait. Fuck. Love?
I winced, rubbing my temples as Luca gently touched my heart.
“To kiss you whenever I want, to see you every day, to not hide you. To introduce you to my grandma as someone more. To watch scary movies with you and let you borrow my sweatshirts when you hide. To have you wear my jersey with my name.” His gaze softened, that gooey, tender expression reappearing.
It was the warmth that had my throat getting tight. All the things he stated, I wanted those too. But… that meant he had to change his stance.
“What are you suggesting then?”
He rubbed his lips together, his nostril flaring as he glanced over his shoulder. No one else was home, just us.
Swallowing hard, his throat bobbed, and his left cheek twitched. “We hang out more.”
“Luca.” I closed my eyes, a prickle of annoyance dancing across the back of my neck. “Say more.”
“We have a relationship.” His grip on my hips tightened. “If you’re into it.”
Holy shit. Hope slapped that irritation away, his suggestion not anything I’d dared wish for because I knew what was at stake.
“We’d have to talk to Dean.”
The warmth left his eyes, and he sighed. “You know we can’t do that, at least not in season. It’d have to be in secret until then. I’m probably leaving anyway to get drafted, so he wouldn’t be my teammate anymore, so it wouldn’t mess with our dynamics.” He pulled on the end of my sweatshirt strings, his voice getting lower. “I want this with you, more than anything.”
The hope fizzled, the emotional roller coaster of Luca Monroe one I wasn’t tall enough to ride. He wanted to keep it secret to not ruin the team dynamics. Even with Eric’s reasons, he’d left me because I wouldn’t be a priority. I wouldn’t be here either. The closure with Eric served two purposes. It helped explain his behavior, right or wrong, but it also reminded me what I wanted in a partner.
Someone to put me first. Someone willing to have hard conversations. Someone willing to fall together and go through tough parts as a team.
“No.”
The hard, one-syllable word was louder than a glass shattering. Even saying it, my body recoiled, like it knew it would cause me pain. Luca blinked, his jaw tightening.
“Lorelei,” he sighed. “What changed? Is it Eric?”
“Yes, but not that way.” I stepped back, my eyes watering. “I want to be with you, Luca. I do. I’m starting to fall in—it doesn’t matter.” A tear fell, and I wiped it away.
“Whoa, why are you crying?” He reached for my face, his eyes tortured. “Lo, please.”
“I can’t be a secret. I can’t be on the back burner until it’s convenient for you.” I sniffed again. “I’m not mad at you, Luca, I understand why football is so important for you. I do down to my soul. And your grandma, I love her.” I hiccupped, my emotions snowballing like I was stuck in an avalanche. “I want to be with someone who is proud to be with me, willing to go through difficult parts together. To put me first, like I matter. That means talking to Dean.”
He blinked, his face paling. “What does that mean?”
