“Not really.”
She wiped under her eyes and adjusted her hair on the top of her head. Even now, sleep still all over her face, she was so damn beautiful it hurt my chest. I looked away and tossed my clothes into my duffel. We didn’t have much since it had just been two nights, but I shoved all my stuff into my bag and took out the clothes I needed for the final day. Today’s theme was ugly sweaters, and I put on an old gray one that Maddie made me two years ago. She did the same, and for the first time in our entire friendship, it was awkward.
There was no joking around, no Maddie poking me or teasing me. It was silence.
“This how it’s going to be now, huh?” she asked, her voice small and timid. “Weird?”
“Doesn’t have to be.” I narrowed my eyes at her. I needed her to say it, that she wanted more. Desperately.I couldn’t do anything until I heard it from her.
“Then what do I need to do because I have a million thoughts and comments, and I want to say them to you but it’s so… uncomfortable.” She blinked a lot, hurt and worry evident on her face.
“What do you want to tell me?” I tensed as I gave her yet another moment to go for it. “What thoughts? What comments?”
She swallowed hard and shrugged, avoiding my eyes. “This was just a weekend fling, you said? That’s all this was to you?”
“Was that what it was foryou?” I fired back, my temper getting the best of me again.
“I don’t know! You said it first!”
“Cut the bullshit, okay?” Oh, I snapped. I’d spent years loving her, and she used that little voice like this was my fault. “I’m in love with you. Stupidly. I love you so much I think of you when I’m at the grocery store. I see pickles and think of you. I hear a song on the radio and picture your terrible singing voice. Trust me, I didn’t plan for this, but you stole my heart at fifteen and never gave it back. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Maddie, and you’d know this if you paid attention.”
Her eyes grew so big they took up half her face. I didn’t stop there. I leaned closer to her, not caring that everyone could hear me. “I’ve tried telling you before, but it never worked out. Is that my fault? Probably. But that doesn’t matter. This weekend was it for me. I need space from you. I can’t continue being your bestbuddywhen I want more. I want all of it with you—trips together and cooking and walking around lakes and road trips. I want to fix shit when you’re angry and hold you when you’re sad. So yes, of course this weekend wasn’t just a fucking fling. It was me living my fantasy, knowing it’d eventually end. You always leave before it gets too real, and I can’t cope with that. Not this time, Maddie. You can’t do that with me.”
Her lips parted but no sounds came out. Just her haggard breath. I waited. One, two, three seconds before I scoffed. “No response?”
She blinked, and seeing the indecision on her face, I couldn’t do it. I grabbed my bag and marched out of the tent toward our car. Her lack of response was a thing of nightmares. I shouldn’t have slept with her and confessed. It should’ve been one or the other.
Not fucking both.
Because this was brutal. I ran a hand over the back of my neck and stared up at the clear blue sky, trying not to panic. This was always a possible outcome of confessing. Her running, her not giving it a chance, her saying get the fuck out. She never had a partner, just a long line of dates, and just the thought of hearing about all of them made my stomach churn.
I couldn’t do this.
I sighed and found Alex walking back from the outhouse, and I didn’t even have to say a word before he nodded.
“Dude, go. We’ll make sure she gets home alright.”
“This is embarrassing.” My face heated. I’d have to blast the air-conditioning on max to cool off the blankets of mortification. “Please make sure she’s okay because yeah, I need to leave.”
“For what it’s worth, we all think she loves you too, but she’s terrified of admitting it.” He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks for coming though. You’re still invited to the wedding.”
I nodded, unable to form words.We all think,he said. A flicker of hope went through me, but I squashed it down. She had two chances to tell me, to even talk about what we could be, and she never said anything.
I threw my stuff in the trunk and started the car before I heard her. She never had been graceful, and her stomps and yells woke up anyone who still slept.
“You’releavingme?” She marched up to me and shoved her fingers in my chest. Her face was twisted into a scowl and red covered her cheeks. “Without saying a word?”
“Maddie.” I lowered my voice. “People can hear you.”
“I don’t give a shit! You were sneaking off before I had a chance to think. Hell, I need to brush my teeth and have coffee to even function and you’re running away.” She shook her head and put her hands on her hips.
“Didn’t think it was worth staying. Not really in the friendly sort of mood one needs to enjoy a hike.” God, I sounded bitchy.
“Don’t get sassy on me, Mims,” she said, my heart skipping a beat at the nickname. That had to be a good sign, right?
Settle down, you sliver of hope.
I arched a brow.
