I squeezed my eyes shut and rolled off him. I needed air. Something. Distance. I searched for my pants and jacket and shoved my limbs through them. My breathing came out too fast, and my head hurt. My greatest fear was coming to life, and I couldn’t have a breakdown in front of him.
“What are you doing? It's cold and raining.”
“Bathroom,” I said, lying and not caring. I never lied to Matt. It was another unspoken rule, but apparently all that had changed. I unzipped the tent and left. The rain came down in a steady rhythm, not too soft, not too hard. I looked up at the sky and let the water hit my face for a few seconds. If it was twenty degrees colder, it’d be snow and the campground would be gorgeous, but instead, the weather matched my mood.
This hurt. The unfamiliar pang in my chest was hurt. Sadness. It was the feeling I avoided at all costs. I didn’t have a broken heart story like everyone else. I just never got my heart involved. It seemed easier than going through the awful divorces I’d lived through as a child. Sure, my dad eventually found love again, but I’d never forget the pain he experienced every time she got remarried.
Being with Matt and trusting him were so easy. Up until ten minutes ago, I would’ve sworn he’d never hurt me. I pinched the bridge of my nose and fought the overwhelming urge to cry. I never cried over guys. I refused, but this felt different. The rain literally falling onto me really set the mood, and I stood there, face up, and wallowed.
The sound of a zipper being undone snapped me out of my fog, and I darted to the side of the tent toward the shelter of trees. If Matt had to pee or was looking for me, I didn’t want to be a weirdo standing outside the tent on the verge of tears.
My feet squished the grass as I approached a mud patch. It’d be terrible to clean my boots, but it was better than dealing with this in the tent, where the smell of our sex still lingered, mocking us with the knowledge it’d be the last time. Matt’s large frame stood at his full height, his body angling as he looked for me. I was certain that was what he was doing.I ducked into the trees more, the mud making a gross squishy sound.
He turned, and I knew he saw me. He stalked toward me, and once he got near, he fumed. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Peeing?”
“It’s been ten minutes.” He put his hands on his hips. He only had shorts on, which left his chest and stomach bare. It wasn’t even fair seeing the rain drip down his muscles.He had to be so cold.
“I really had to go.” I wrapped my arms around myself and willed my voice to stay normal. To not break down.
“Bullshit.” He shook his head, and his lips twisted into a scowl. “Tell me the truth.”
“What?Whattruth?”
“Why are you out here, hiding from me?”
“I’m not,” I lied again.
He scoffed and ran a hand over his face, his tone becoming sharper. “Tell me the fucking truth, please.”
“I needed space. There. Happy?”
“Why did you need space, Maddie?” He stepped closer without touching me. The rain came down on us, and rivulets of water traveled over our skin. He breathed heavier, and a hopeful, soft look crossed his face.
Which was odd.
My shoulders were heavy, and while my heart hammered in my chest, I met his gaze. “I just did, okay? I’m fine now.”Liar.“Let’s go back in.”
His expression hardened, and we walked back in silence. He didn’t wait for me before going into the tent and wiping off his feet. I repeated the motions, my heart in my throat at all the unsaid things. There was no cuddling or spooning or touches. We lay in silence, neither sleeping or speaking, and eventually I fell asleep.
If he had feelings for me, surely, he would’ve told me by now, right?
CHAPTER TEN
Matt
Maddie had pissed me off ten times in fifteen years. Nine of them were more like irritations, but this...it was the worst. I gave her the opening on a silver platter. She wore her feelings like accessories, and I knew she wanted to talk about everything. She had those big eyes and questions swirling in them, but she’d chickened out.
She chose to lie and act fine, and so be it. I’d let her. If she wanted to fight for this, she’d have to do it. I’d pined for her long enough, and we had no chance if she wasn’t going to initiate it. I tossed and turned all night, slept like shit, and had a crick in my neck, but the sun finally came up, and the trip would end.Then, I could move on with my life and put her behind me.
When we left here today, it meant the conclusion of our brief fling. Hell, I couldn’t even call it a fling because that girl had owned my heart for a decade. A moment of passion? A way to release sexual tension? My greatest wish coming to life?
I gritted my teeth as she stirred next to me. Her damn stepsister had us doing a group brunch and a final hike before we left. My pain was a horrible combination of not wanting to leave the campsite while also counting down the seconds to escape. Nursing a broken heart took time and solitude, and I wouldn’t get that here.
“Morning,” she grumbled, stretching her arms over her head and giving me the same goofy smile I loved. I didn’t return it.
“Hey,” I replied, sounding like a bear. Grumpy. Growly. “You sleep okay?”
