She laughed. “You love me.”
She was right, I did. But none of this chat helped with the fact that I had to see Cal later that day. Did we talk about it? Avoid it? Do it again? Technically, I should get two more nights with him. My body hummed at the thought of sleeping with him two more times. God, I wanted it. I wanted it bad. But how could I enjoyhim that way and protect my heart? That was what had gotten us into this mess. Seeing his affection with Lizzie and how he’d opened up to her.
Dani stood up and put the few dishes in the sink into the washer. We always agreed to keep the kitchen clean, but I itched for something to do. To get out this nervous energy. My budgeting homework.
Ugh, another reminder that Cal and I were intertwined at this point. I’d have to see him all weekend, then get together for another budget-book date Monday.Not a date.Meeting. I played with the end of my hair, completely lost as to what to do. There wasn’t a romance guide for these things with messy emotions. Sure, friends with benefits could work, only Cal did three nights, and I already knew I had some feelings involved.
We could agree it was a one-time moment even though I didn’t love that.
What did I want?
“I need to do something.” I rose, fast, and Dani shot me a look. “I’m tired and confused and terrified I’m gonna get hurt.”
“Answer me this. What is the worst that could happen?”
“I fall for him, and he treats me like all the others, ditching me. Then I see him with other women and know who he is on the inside, but he won’t let me in.” I swallowed, damn near afraid this was already happening. Of all the people for Cal to open up to, why would it be me, someone…normal and boring? Someone who grew up in her brother’s shadow and preferred living inside books? “I like who he is, grouchy and angry at the world because it makes his smiles all the more meaningful. But he’ll never be what I need.”
A romantic partner. Someone to do brunches with and laugh and dance under the stars.
“Then can you have fun?” She scrunched her face. “I know you want romance. I love that and think you should never settle,but hear me out, you’re single. Not attached to anyone. About to attend Central State with me, and we’re going to have the times of our lives. Why not have a fling? Keep emotions out of it as much as you can. He’s not your forever, happy-ever-after guy, but he could be your ‘let’s bang like rabbits for a bit’ guy?”
“Yeah, maybe.” My shoulders felt weighted, like the extra tension had taken root there. “Might go for a walk.”
“I’m here for you, always. Only you can figure out what to do, babe. Trust yourself. You’re pretty great.”
I smiled at her before heading into my room. I had eight hours before seeing Cal again, and I wasn’t sure if I was excited, nervous, or afraid of what he’d say.
The Bulls were in another round of playoffs, facing off against the Phoenix Suns tonight, and it was packed. I preferred to stay busy cause it made time go by faster, and I was glad to have endless tasks to do. Refill drinks, add them to tabs, wipe counters, clean glasses, get orders ready for Alex on the floor and repeat. It kept my mind and eyes from wandering to Cal in the corner at the door.
Thankfully, Alex had already been there when I’d arrived, so Cal and I were never alone. There were some looks, but like normal, I couldn’t read him well. He had yet to smile, and his famous frown lines were right there.
He did get tense when some of the hockey guys showed up to bus tables though. Ty was one of them, but we’d left off on great terms. Just friends and definitely writing buddies. The hipster athlete was a fun combination because the gruff men at the bar had no idea what they were getting into when chatting with him.
Overall though, it was a great Friday night with easygoing patrons, the Bulls ahead at half-time, and tips coming in hot. I might take a little bit of the cash and buy myself a new swimming suit. There was a huge party at the lake for the Fourth of July that Gabe and Daniella had invited me to. It’d have former hockey players, dance team members, and some football players and cheerleaders too. I wonderedtwiceif Cal was invited but tried not to worry about it. I was going either way.
I stretched my arms over my head as Cal came behind the bar. My pulse instantly raced, my skin tingling at his proximity. He smelled damn good, like laundry and aftershave, and huh, he had shaved. His jaw looked real smooth as he ran a hand over it, his frown line on full display. “You eat dinner?”
I smacked my forehead. “No, I forgot.”
He bent down into the fridge with the Trulys and Whiteclaws and pulled out a small box. “I made this for you.”
It looked like trail mix.
“It has protein and sugar and carbs. I snack on it all the time on the road to make sure I have enough nutrients. I figured you might forget to eat, and it’ll be a long night here. Please, have some when you get time.” He set the container down and took a step back.
My throat got all tight. “Thanks, Cal.”
He nodded and returned to his post at the door. He’d made trail mix for me. It wasn’t romantic in typical terms, but it was ridiculously nice and caring. I washed my hands and grabbed a handful, welcoming the sweet and salty combination. At the taste of food, my stomach growled with delight.Feed me, woman.
It was delicious and gave me a little hope. He wouldn’t have made this for me if he was cutting me loose. Right? Unless it was a goodbye trail mix? No, he wasn’t the type to do that either. Fuck. Even more confused than before, I kept busy throughoutthe game. It was cool to see my body forming muscles that weren’t there weeks ago. Hoisting up a rack of glasses was no big deal, and I could carry a tray with ten drinks balanced on it. Look at me, growing and living life.
“What’s with the smile, Barbie?” Alex asked, their voice dripping with innuendo as there was a break in orders. “You and beefstick take your party upstairs last night?”
Shit.My face drained of color. “Wait, what?”
“I left something back here and returned.” They looked from me to Cal. “Surprised the table isn’t in shreds.”
“Alex, shh.” I moved toward them, embarrassed that Alex had seen us. “I don’t know… let’s just…”
