I rubbed my chest with my hand and willed my heart to stop beating so hard against my ribs. It wanted to escape my chest and go beat next to Cal’s, to give him some hope. Because that was the thing I loved most about being human: hope. The hope for a better tomorrow, a better day, a better mood. Nothing was permanent.
I’d started a pot of coffee when he stirred. At some point, he’d fallen onto his right side, and god, he was a sight when he slept. His features softened. The jaw not tensing like he was holding back screaming all the time. His lips parted, and there wasn’t a single line of stress on his face. He seemed content.
Pouring in a little creamer, I stirred it into my mug and set it down to cool. Cal could use another blanket. The fan was on, and it was chilly. Tiptoeing toward him, I unfolded an old quilt made out of T-shirts of mine and set it on him. I tugged the top toward his chin as he moved.
He blinked, his gorgeous wide eyes all sleepy and gentle. “Elle?”
“Good morning.” I smiled, realizing I was super close to him. Like, six inches from his face. I stepped back, hit the coffee table, and awkwardly hopped away. “Coffee?”
He groaned, and I chose not to stare at him. It was hard enough being attracted to the guy, but learning his past? Knowing how each day was hard for him? Going through the motions just to survive? I didn’t know whether to hug or kiss him.
“Sure.”
“How do you like it?” I asked.
“Black.”
I poured him a mug and carefully approached him on my couch. The frown lines were back, but his eyes. Oof. They were heated and sleepy and intense as he stared at my legs, traveling up my body and across my neck.
“Here.”
Our fingers brushed, and the second of connection had my breath catching in my throat. I brushed it off. This was no time for thoughts like that, no matter how good Cal looked after waking up. “How are you feeling?”
“Hungover.” He sipped the mug, his gaze never leaving mine. “I owe you so many apologies Elle. I don’t know where to start.”
“Stop.” I shook my head. “There’s no need.”
“Yes, there is.” He frowned and set his drink down, moving from the couch toward the end where he tookmycup out of my hand and placed it on the coffee table. So much touching! His hands were so warm, but the pads of his fingers were rough.
He covered my hands with his and squeezed them, the contact a roaring blaze of heat. “I fell asleep on your pizza invitation. I told you we weren’t friends. I made fun of your major.”
“Ah.” My ears burned red. “That.”
“I remembered the conversation in the car, and I am so, deeply sorry. There’s no excuse. I was trying to be funny, to make everyone laugh because it was clear how much your parents loved you. It was jealousy and me being a fucking asshole.” He stared at me hard, the apology evident all over his face. “I wish I could take that back. Then maybe you wouldn’t hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. Not anymore.” Oh, baby, his hands were so large and warm and still holding mine. It messed with my focus and made me feel protected. “But thank you for the apology.”
“Are you able to forgive me?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“And, the pizza night fiasco? The comment about the friends?”
“Well, you bought my spices and offered to help me budget. I’m pretty sure you do that if you’re friends with someone.” I grinned, and he blinked slowly before letting go of my hands. “So, yes. I forgive you.”
“Good. Good.” He yawned and reached for his coffee. “We’re definitelyfriends.”
The way he said the word friends bothered me, but I wasn’t sure why. He gave it more emphasis and had a hard look crosshis face. It didn’t last more than a second before he gave me a half-smile. When he grinned, I stood no chance against him. It was too much. The final straw. I glanced away and pretended there was something in my coffee.
“This will be great, Cal. We’ll see each other a lot, so I’m glad we sorted it out.”
He nodded, a sad, lost expression on his face before he smiled. “Me too.”
“If you’re worried about it, please know your story stays with me. It’s not mine to share with anyone else.”
His lips lifted on the side as he nodded. “I trust you.”
God, those were heavy words.
