We drank in silence, the sound somehow louder than our spoken words. It wasn’t a bad quiet nor a comfortable one. It was filled with unsaid things, but we were at peace. I could keep my attraction at bay and approach him with more understanding. And he could use a real friend. Someone to be there for him. Friendship and support were my thing. I’d been there for Dani and my brother all their lives. And when they had a tough go, like when Gabe lost a game or Dani had a fight with her mom, a fun activity was needed.
“What are your plans for today?” Energy worked its way into my voice, making me sound more awake than I was. The decision to befriend him cleared up any of the tempting and confusing thoughts I kept having about him. His chest…his hands…his mouth. Nope. Friends. All caps. FRIENDS.
“Work out. Maybe see some guys on the team.”
“Okay, what else?”
He shrugged. “That’s it.”
“So, you’ll spend…ten hours at the gym?”
“No. I’ll do my workouts, hit the rink. Then head home.”
“Where is any fun?”
“What doyoudo for fun?” he fired back, his tone defensive.
I could read him better now that I knew the cause of his wounds. I reached over and squeezed his forearm, hoping to give a reassuring smile. “I’m not pestering you, Cal. I was asking so we could hang out, do something fun together. I think we both earned it after last night.”
He swallowed. “Hang out?”
“Yeah. Like watch a movie or play a game, visit the bookstore or library, or hey! You could show me the best places around campus! Or ice-skating!” I clapped, proud of my ideas, but his frown grew.
“Elle, please don’t do this.” He set the half-drunk mug down on the table and stood. He folded the blanket perfectly before setting it on the back of the couch. There weren’t any creases on the material. “I don’t need a pity friend.”
“Why are you obsessed with thinking this is pity? Are you actively trying to stay miserable? Friendless?” My feelings were hurt, my ego stung. “If you don’t want to hang out with me, then say that.”
“It’s not that.” He sighed, put his hands on his hips, and stared at the patio window. “My mood improves when you’re around.” He ran one hand over his face as his words hit me in the chest.
My stomach swooped. It wasn’t the highest of compliments, but coming from him? It felt like the biggest victory. I wanted to smile, but I remained patient. It was clear he had more to say.
“I just… need to go about this slow.”
“Friendship?” I said, elongating the word.
“Yes.” His gaze bore into me. “I haven’t had more than one friend in a long time, and I’m not sure how it works.”
“But the team? My brother?”
“Out of duty. The ice changes things. I’m learning still.”
“Cal.” I stood too, unsure what to do with my hands. It wasn’t like I could touch him. No words came to mind, and heremained just as quiet. Three steps forward, two and half back. My stomach growled, interrupting our stare-off, and my face flushed.
“Apology croissants. I owe you some.” He walked by me before I could say a word and exited our apartment. His leftover cologne lingered in the air, evergreen and laundry, and I breathed it in for one second.
God, he was complicated. I rubbed my forehead and picked up our mugs, honestly more confused than before. He agreed we were friends but didn’t look happy about it, then said we had to go about it slowly. I wanted to respect that, but at what cost? My feelings were real, and it hurt to be shot down.
Annoyed that Cal was taking up space in my head, yet again, I put on Megan Thee Stallion and showered. A clean slate for the day. No more regrets or weirdness leftover from Cal, and by the time I was done, I felt better. Refreshed.
Alex and I were scheduled for the night shift, and I wanted to get more work done on my plant shelf before heading there. I braided my hair, then wore black cutoff shorts and an army green tank cropped just beneath my ribs and even put on hoop earrings. My mom said they were her armor and had bought me a pair before coming here. I loved them, and they made me feel brave. Brave enough to do this on my own, face down grumpy people at the bar and maybe…put myself out there.
Working at the bar gave me the one thing I needed all my life: a place to escape the pressure from my parents and Gabe’s shadow. I could bemeon my own. It was hard to explain the second sibling pressure, even though I loved Gabe. He excelled at everything so anytime I did something, it was old news because he’d already done it. That forced me into a weird position of wanting to impress my parents but not having a way to do it. Writing was so foreign to all of them, that they’d have noidea if I was good at it, and I struggled with proving myself. Jags was for me, regardless if my parents or Gabe approved.
Someone knocked on the door, and my heart leapt in my throat.Cal.I opened it, but there was no moody hockey player. There was a bag with my name on it though. The guy had to have dropped these off and run with how fast I answered, so he had to be nearby. “Thank you, Cal.”
“You’re welcome,” he said from the stairwell, then the door to the stairs shut, and heavy footsteps thudded upward. I shook my head, opened the bag, and immediately took a bite. They were so damn good.
Things might still be weird with Cal, but these croissants sure helped. And with that thought, I distracted myself until I had to go to the bar. If I wanted to get more plants, I needed more tips.
