“Thanks for the hug.” I pulled back, removing her from me because it was best, and hated the compassion in her eyes. “Please, don’t. I can’t stand pity.”
“It’s not pity. It’s hurt. It’s pain. Ihatethat your life has bad memories and pain. I don’t feel bad for you, Cal. I hurt for you. I am sorry for all that you lost.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. They were a lighter brown, more transparent. “Let’s head back. Pizza is on me tonight.”
“No, I don’t want to eat your food.”
“Because of money?” she asked, a slight edge to her voice.
“Yes. I heard you and your brother. Please, I just shared something with you, so don’t leave me hanging.”
She sighed, looping her arm through mine as we locked up the restaurant. I tried not to overthink why her arm was with mine because it felt damn good to have her touch me.
“It’s not money problems yet. It’s money anxiety. I get one shot to do this, and I’m terrified of messing up. My parents mean well, but every comment they said about choosing writing… it scarred me. They support me but think my choice isn’t wise. It’s a contradiction to how they raised Gabe, and I’m learning to navigate all the pressure.”
Fuck.“I owe you a sincere apology.”
“Don’t worry about anything tonight. Tomorrow, you can get me apology croissants.” She grinned up at me, leaning her head on my shoulder for a beat. “It’s late, I’m hungry, and you need to relax.”
We walked the short distance to our building and arrived at her door. She let us in. Her place smelled the same, like vanilla candles and lemon. While she put the pizza on the pan and preheated the oven, I walked toward her patio door. The wire shelves were there and a fresh batch of soil in little pods.The spices.
She’d planted them.
It gave me a little buzz of happiness. Maybe I’d buy her a new plant each week so she could add to her collection. With my hands still in my pockets, I returned to the kitchen to find her staring at me. “Do you need help with money?”
“What? No!” She huffed.
“I meant, damn. No, not like that. Like finances?”
She pursed her lips, her arms crossing over her chest. “What are you offering here?”
“I’m really good at budgeting. No one expects that of me because I’m a hockey player, but I had to be. My parents leftme…a decent amount. I got the signing bonus. I couldn’t just let that sit in an account, so I read a lot about what to do with it. Learned the best ways to track spending.”
“Wow.” Her lips curved, and she nodded. “That’s awesome. Yeah, I bet you learned a lot dealing with that all. Was it hard?”
“It was a distraction. Anything I do is typically just a way to distract my mind from…well, you saw what happened at the bar.”
“Feelings?”
“Huh?”
“You’re allergic to feelings. I get it. I probably would be too after what you went through. I don’t have nearly any of the same trauma you do, and feelings are hard for me too, so I can’t imagine.” She sat at her kitchen table and pulled her knees to her chest. “Cal, you can’t just do things as a distraction. What do you enjoy?”
My plants. Music. YouTube how-to videos. Being on the ice.I itched the back of my neck and yawned.
“Oh, you’re exhausted. Please, sit on the couch.” She got up and pushed me. Her hands landed on my chest as she nudged me to sit. “What do you want to drink?”
“I’m okay, really, just tired.” I sank into her cushions, the feel like a nice cloud. Fuck, I loved her pillows. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I got that prickly, tingling feeling in my eyes like sleep was gonna come whether I wanted to or not. I could just snooze until the pizza was done. That was it.
Then, I passed out.
CHAPTER
NINE
Elle
Ipadded outside my bedroom wearing loose Central State boxer shorts and a white tank. They covered all my parts, and Cal was still sound asleep on my couch. What a great night for Dani to stay at my brother’s. She wouldn’t have cared, but this prevented me from having to explainwhyhe was there to both her and Gabe.
My brother wasn’t a fan of him, and I was dying to ask if he knew Cal’s story. God, my entire soul broke for Cal. I’d tossed and turned all night, trying to even imagine what I’d do in that scenario. I at least had Dani. She’d keep me together, but Cal? The guy who pushed everyone away to avoid feelings?
