That was the kicker. The real shot to the groin. Two years, two heartbreaks, two women who wanted my last name for very different reasons, but the bottom line was money. Grace led me inside, and I fell onto their couch, filled with a self-loathing and anger.
Oh, anger was a stage of grief, right? Was I moving on that fast? This was promising. “It was just my fucking name. That’s what I don’t get. Everything else…it was me. All me.”
“I know, but Fritz…you had the chance to tell her. You should’ve before yousleptwith her.”
“I get it. I do.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I told her I loved her, and she said it was too late. I feel this hole inside my chest, and it hurts.” My throat got tight.
Grace reached over and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Would it cheer you up to know you’re the godfather?”
“Hey, we didn’t agree on that,” Brock said, coming out of the kitchen with his blue eyes zeroing in on me.
“It’s a given, dude. Of course, I am. Who else would it be?” I asked, sharing a look with Grace. Ilovedgetting a rise out of Brock. Always had. It was my favorite thing to do when we got together.
Brock sighed. “Fair point.”
“Then I accept. And yes, that does make me feel better.” I snorted, and Grace hit me in the side. “How are you handling potential parenthood, Brock? Well, I take it?”
“Oh, he’s read every single book he can and babyproofed the house even though I’m not due for eight months. It’s been wonderful,” Grace said, standing up and moving to sit on Brock’s knee. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
It always pleased me to see that grumpy-ass man fawn over Grace. Same with Christopher and Gilly. They’d found their matches.
I thought I’d found mine.
And back to mopey miserable mode. I grabbed a pillow and propped it up behind my head and groaned. “Could you knock it off with your cute shit? I’m heartbroken.”
“You’ll bounce back,” Brock said, in a rare moment of kinship. I opened one eye and found Grace with the same puzzled expression. “What? I actually care about the guy.”
“Wow, today has been a real roller coaster.”
“He’s right, though. You’ll be okay.”
A fierce anger had me sit up straighter. “That’s the thing though. I don’t want to justmove on.I fucking love her. That woman is my perfect match. It’s unexpected and random, and God, there are so many weird things about her, but Ilovethem. She had the same zest for life as me, the same humor. She put audiobooks on for her plants. How strange is that?” I said, my throat closing up again. “She asked me to let her go.”
“Are you?”
“I don’t have a choice, do I? I can’t ignore her wishes without making her hate me more.” I finished the beer and rubbed my palms over my eyes. “What do I do?”
Grace sighed, that hopeless sound proving that it was over. There was no hope. “Give it time. I’m not saying give up on her, ornottry again, but I think some distance is needed.”
“Okay, like a few days? A week? A month?”
“I don’t know…that’s something you’ll need to figure out on your own. I think you screwed up, horribly, but I also understand why you did it. Everyone has their own threshold of what’s forgivable and what’s not. If this crossed her line, then I’m not sure what you can do. But give her time and space.”
I nodded and hated that she was right. This wouldn’t be solved today, or tomorrow, or next week. It might never be solved. I’d have to live with it either way.
Fourteen days had passedsince Nora’s presentation. Twelve days since hearing her voice and her asking me to leave her alone. Twelve days of watering all her plants and lying on her living room floor listening to plant-themed songs. The playlist started as a joke before she left, but now I wallowed in my sadness with it. All the songs I wanted to play and make her laugh.
The pain hadn’t gone away. I still thought about her every day, every night, and wondered if her hair was longer. Did she change her earrings into a rainbow or buy a new outfit that hugged her curves? Was she watching baseball or trying new foods?
Was she happy?
I stared at her ceiling fan and thought about if I was even happy. Working with Peter had been the highlight of my week, and I was set to meet with him at Carla’s place in an hour. I wished I would’ve agreed to be more hands-on with him, just to keep busy. My evenings sucked. I sat at a job all day that didn’t inspire me and came home to an apartment without Nora across the hall.
Grace’s words kept repeating in my head about time. Distance. What was the right amount of time? My mom stopped glaring at me once I told her the full extent of it, and Gilly stopped by every other day. She, too, stopped making me feel worse and let me mope. I didn’t need anyone to tell me it was my fault. I knew.
I sighed and pushed myself up off the ground, the unsent text sitting in my messages. It was just ahow are youtext. I wanted to send it so badly but refrained. Not yet.
I needed to start thinking about moving the stuff out and getting a new tenant—Mom did reach out about sending Nora all her stuff and she’d said no. The fact she didn’t want a single part of her life here wasn’t a good sign. I picked one of the plants, a bright-yellow flowery thing.Heatherwas her name. It’d be a good gesture to bring a plant to Carla, and honestly, I was just a person who bought others plants now. They were better than flowers or gift cards. They had meaning. I let myself out. The hollow, Nora-size hole in my heart remained there as I drove to meet up with Carla and Peter. I drove in silence and ran a hand through my hair a million times, like that would ease the tension.
