Even though she’d been in here Tuesday, two days ago, everything felt different. Her perfume wasn’t lingering in the air, and the lack of audiobooks made the silence more profound. I scanned my phone at all the unanswered texts…all delivered and read, but no response.
Fritz: Can I please see you? Even for just a minute.
Nothing.
Fritz: Are you coming back to your place?
Three dots popped up, and my body zinged to life. She was responding! Finally! Breathing became difficult as the dots appeared, disappeared, and then showed up again. It was a special form of torture. Fuck it.
I called her. The ringing went on for almost a full minute before she answered. “Nora!” I shouted, cursing at myself for being too aggressive. “Thank you for answering.”
“I’m not planning on talking to you,Anthony,besides telling you that whatever we had, is over. Leading me to believe you were someone else, despite your past…I just…I can’t trust you.”
“What does this mean? Where are you going to live? What about your stuff?”
“I’m back home.”
“But what about the money? What about your business? Don’t you need to stick it out another month?”
“No. I don’t want to.”
“But Nora, this is your—”
“Fritz, please, this is hard for me too. Just…let me go.”
My eyes prickled as the weight of everything hit me. In her silence, her absence, I’d let myself believe that with enough time, she’d forgive me. She’d realize that this wasn’t to hurt her and that every single thing I shared, felt, experienced with her was real. But how could I ignore her request? I’d be an asshole to continue pestering her.
With a broken heart, I asked the final question. “There’s nothing I can do? I loveyou, Nora. I need you to know that.”
She sucked in a breath and sniffed, the sound of her sadness gutting me. “I don’t think there is. Good luck with everything.”
“Yeah, you too.” I waited for her to hang up, the finality of the conversation causing a horrible shred in my soul. If she was back home, what did that mean for all her things? I could have my mom ship them back, or I could do it but sign my mom’s name. Probably better that way.
Fuck. My head pounded, and I wanted to sink into the carpet and disappear for a minute. Just shut off the emotions. Her plants would die if she didn’t ship them, and without thinking, I filled up a pitcher of water and followed her chart. I misted, poured, and sprinkled hair on the soil. I scanned the place one more time for the two plants I gave her and found them in her bedroom, right next to her bed.
God. That did me in. She had the gifts I gave herrightnext to her bed, like they mattered to her. I sat on the edge of her mattress and texted the two people who had been there for me through it all. Grace and Gilly.
Fritz: I fucked it all up. Can we meet?
Grace: come on over.
That’s all it took. I locked up Nora’s place and walked outside to call an Uber. There would be alcohol tonight, and I wouldn’t be driving.
As I waited for my rideshare, I typed a list of all the things my mom should ship to Nora’s family. All her clothes, bedding. All the things she bought as she experienced life on her own. I gave instructions on how to ship the plants and hit send.
Maybe it’d be easier to start getting over her if I got rid of all traces of her. The hard part would be the way she worked herself into my heart. That would take a while to survive.
The front door of Grace and Brock’s house opened the second I got out of the car, and Grace stood there with a beer. “You look like shit.”
“Feel like it too.”
“You should.”
“I know. That’s what makes it worse. I did this. I fucked it up.” I took the bottle and downed half of it. “It’s cool I’m drinking this near you?”
“I appreciate you asking, but yes.” She gave a tight smile and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“Again.”
