It was a clash of emotions, a vortex of feelings, and my head spun so fast I wasn’t sure I knew what to say.
“Great game, J.D.” My dad walked up and gave me a huge hug, still unaware of my mom’s presence. He patted my back and smiled over at Ryann. “Your roommate told me to come back here.”
“Yeah,” I choked out, unsure how to read the half-smile on Ryann’s face. Was she thinking we could really have a go at this too? Or was it a pity smile, like she knew I wanted more but didn’t know how to let me down? Fuck. I was quiet for too long and squeezed the back of my neck. “Uh, Dad… Mom’s here.”
He went rigid, took a step back, and paled.
“I didn’t invite her,” I said, desperate for him to understand. “I swear.”
“I believe you, son.” He cleared his throat, looked around, and went even more still when he saw her. My heart hurt, but Ryann came up to me and took my hand in hers. Her small palm pressed against mine, and she ran her thumb over my hand, almost like a silentI’m here.That little gesture grounded me.Fuck it.
I put my arm around her and pulled her to me.
She buried her face in my chest, her floral scent washing over me in a comforting hug, and I rested my chin on her head for one second. I needed her, as a friend, as something more. Her strength and wisdom and smiles—I wanted it all. I put both arms around her and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to settle myself before dealing with my mom and dad. But when I lifted my chin off her head, Michael walked out of the locker room, his eyes narrowing into angry slits.
“What thefuckis this?”
Ryann jerked out of my embrace like I caught fire. She put as much distance between us as she could, and I missed her warmth immediately. Her eyes went wide, and she said, “It’s not what it looks like.”
“It’s not?” Michael fired back, his icy glare zapping me into pieces. “So, my teammate didn’t have you in his fucking arms? I imagined that?”
“Michael, please, not here.” Ryann’s voice came out shaky and nervous, and I hated seeing her worried. Her brother would understand. This wasn’t some hook-up.But does she know that?
She had to know what she meant to me. I’d do anything for her.
“You promised, Ryann.” He gritted his teeth and looked so different from our charismatic leader. “You fucking promised.”
“It’s not… we’re not… it’s nothing, okay?” she said. Michael stormed down the entryway, and she chased after him. He didn’t look back, and neither did she. I was forgotten as Ryann went to fix the one relationship she could never ruin.
Nothing.
We were nothing.
That was what she said.
But that couldn’t be true. We weresomething.
Right?
My mom and dad were both here in the same space after two hellish years, and the girl who became my best friend left me and said we were nothing.
Fuckthis.
23
Ryann
“Michael, wait. Wait up, please.” I ran to grab his elbow, but he jerked it out of my reach. “Stop being a goddamn asshole.”
“Me?” he snapped, anger in eyes so similar to Mom’s, only she never looked at me with this much hate. “I’m the asshole? You’re the one who broke our promise.”
“You think I meant to do this? To risk the only family I have left?” I fired back, my throat hoarse and my eyes prickling with tears. I couldn’t believe I said it was nothing. That wasn’t the truth at all. It just… happened. “I love him. I’m in love with him. This isn’t… look, we haven’t talked about it because it was just supposed to be a hook-up. It grew to more, and we haven’t talked about it yet.”
“Oh, is this supposed to help? My teammate banging my sister? God, I’m gonna throw up. I can’t believe you did this. I can’t even look at you.” He stormed off again, and a part of me broke.
My brother wouldn’t forgive me for something that happened in high school, and he knew how important it was for us to be close. But this… tears fell down my face, and I stopped chasing him. We were well into the quad now, and students lingered around us, either leaving the rink or heading to a party. God, we must seem pathetic. Me chasing him with tears down my face, the look of disgust on his.
“You can’t do this, Michael. You can’t push me away because I made a choice you don’t like. I amsorryhe’s your teammate, but I didn’t mean to fall in love with him. He’s not going to mess with you. If anything, he’s terrified you’ll make his life hell, and he needs this scholarship.”
