No.
My heart lurched to the point it pressed against my ribcage, and my feet felt like a million pounds. I couldn’t end it with her. I didn’t want to. She was…shit.
“You good, man?” Michael asked, his brows coming together in concern. “You paled.”
“Yeah, sorry.”Get it together.“Nervous about Friday.”
“Nah, don’t be. We can take ‘em.” The senior hit my shoulder again and guided us toward the locker room. “You’ve been putting in work, J.D. You’re ready. Your fundamentals are spot the fuck on, and your focus is insane. Some people are meant to play the game, and you’re one of them. Remember that.”
I nodded and got ready for practice, putting on my pads and jersey, then my skates. His words should’ve settled me. Michael was honest and would call out poor performance to the younger players. He didn’t bullshit.
And yet… the guilt grew in my gut so bad I dropped my stick before heading onto the ice to warm up. This wouldn’t do.
I either needed to get Ryann to tell him and convince her it was a good idea, or end it like we agreed.
Neither option was acceptable, yet I knew a decision loomed the closer we got to opening day.
* * *
Practice kicked my ass in the best way. My muscles were sore, but my focus was there. I was ready for Friday. The team played together like we’d been teammates for years. Passes were almost flawless, and excitement bubbled around us. We were all in this year—Michael’s final year, the twins playing their heart out since this was their last year at the school since being drafted, and even Tate led with so much passion and drive—it motivated all of us.
We were going to go far. I felt it in my bones, and I needed to be a part of it.
I threw my dirty clothes into a hamper and treaded out into our living room just as Ryann walked in with her hair down, wearing a tight black shirt and jeans andfuck,I wanted to pull her to me.
“Whoa, what did I do to earn this Jonah smile?” she said, winking before setting her keys down in our bowl.
It wasn’t even weird to think ofourstuff anymore. We shared everything. Our groceries, our utensils, our towels. A pair of her shoes was still in my room from when we undressed each other in a hurry last weekend, and despite my insistence on keeping everything clean, a little bit of her chaos felt good.
Right.
“I had a great practice,” I said, moving toward her and picking up a strand of her hair. It was soft and always smelled so damn good. “You look nice,” I said, my voice getting a little deeper than I meant to.
“Thanks,” she said, biting her lip and narrowing her eyes. “You have this… energy about you right now. Is it pregame jitters?”
“Yes, but not jitters. I’m ready. Mentally and physically.” I moved my hand to caress her shoulder, rubbing her muscles a bit and cupping the side of her neck. Her soft skin made me want more, and when she shifted her weight to lean into me, my heart beat faster.
I wasintoher. Like, stupid into her. Her smiles, her joy, her sadness that hit her every once in a while. All of it.
“I’m really happy for you, Jonah. You put so much time into the sport. I have no doubt you’ll be excellent and kick ass this season.” Her voice sounded sad, and her blue eyes dulled a little, sending an alarm raging in my head.
We tell Michael or stop.
The unwelcome thought made every cell in my body tighten. Ryann moved closer to me and put her hands on my chest, her mouth curved up on one side. “I’ll be there cheering you on every game.”
“Yeah?” God, that sounded amazing. She could sit with my dad and—wait.
“Absolutely. I’m not going to wear your jersey number or anything, but I’ll scream my face off when you score goals.”
“I like the sound of it.”
She licked her lips and let out a long, sad sigh.
I pressed my mouth to hers, stopping her from whatever she was going to say. Hearing her try to end it would kill me. So, I took the mature route and kissed her.
She moaned into my mouth, bringing her hands into my hair and gently running her fingers through it as she parted her lips and gave me access. This kiss was no different than all the others, but it felt heavier. It felt like more. Her little pleased sounds got me heated, and it was insane to think I could ever leave this behind.
I pressed my hand into the small of her back so her chest touched mine, and her heart beatfast,faster than mine, sending a thrill through me. I tilted her neck back, kissed her deeper, and god, she tasted like coffee and chocolate and I never wanted to stop.
