Rink for practice.
Homework.
Wash, rinse, and repeat on an endless cycle. My schedule had been that way for years, varying iterations while the pattern held true. There was little time for much else andzerotime for distractions. In order to get another scholarship, I had to be the best, which meant sacrifice.
Two days after I told Ryann she was leaving, she either avoided me entirely or made herself sparse. I hadn’t seen her. The only evidence of her was the slight floral smell that lingered in the air, annoying because it was nice to smell something feminine.Dumb distraction.
My bones ached from going too hard at practice today, and while Wednesday nights were my scheduled time to do my reading for classes, I couldn’t focus. It was nine at night, Ryann wasn’t home, and the uncomfortable knot had only grown in my chest since the last words I said to her were about eviction.
Focus.
I shook my head and opened the used biology textbook. I got my pencil ready to take notes as the sounds of laughter stopped me. The pencil froze in my hand when the door opened and Ryann walked in, phone up to her ear and smile stretching across her face as she said, “Yup, love you too, idiot.”
She held the phone against her ear and shoulder, turning to lock the door behind her. When her gaze landed on me, all evidence of joy evaporated. “Oh,” she said, her forehead crinkling with a frown.
That one syllable made my head pound, irritation dancing down my spine that the mere sight of me upset her.
“I’ll head into my room.” She ducked her head, tucking her bright red bag under her arm before she marched through the foyer and through the doorway to her bedroom. A subtle hint of coffee lingered in the air, and her apron made sense.
She mentioned needing a job before talking to her brother.
“You tell Michael yet?” I called, my voice releasing from my body like I was a sergeant. It made me wince at the harshness of it. My mom, my ex, everyone complained I was too focused on hockey. Not that I was an asshole, but I hadn’t given Ryann any reason to believe Icouldbe nice.
Her shut door didn’t open, but the sounds she made stopped. She heard me.
It took thirty seconds, but she came out wearing short black shorts and a baggy green sweatshirt. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head, and she twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands.
“No.”
“Why the hell not?”
She studied me, her normally expressive face not giving anything away. “I found some new places I’m going to look into next week. Don’t need to tell him anything if I’m moving out. None of it will matter, so why cause any drama?”
My jaw clenched, and I took a sharp breath. There were zero responses to the ad I’d left up, and my spreadsheet of funds had the amount highlighted in yellow. I couldn’t lose the money, even though living with her was a bad idea. A terrible idea.
A teammate’s sister.
I cringed.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, my voice uneven and my heartbeat working overtime. I set the pencil down and wiped my hand on my thigh, hoping inspiration would hit me to finish the apology. None came though. “Don’t…move.”
“Uh, yeah, you’re sending some mixed messages here.” She scrunched her brows together and frowned. “I’m not trying to be dramatic, really. You’re so uptight about the situation though, so I’ll make sure I’m out. I just have to find a place I can afford first.” Her voice got small, and her clear blue eyes clouded.
Guilt clawed up my throat, and I took a sip of water before deciding my next move. There were a million different things I could say to try to make this better, to get rid of the worry on her face. The hesitation in her eyes gutted me, like she wasscaredof me. Not physically, but emotionally. I desperately wanted her to understand a little part of me. Maybe that would help her get why I was this way—so focused. “I need to earn a scholarship for next year. It’s my only chance at staying here. My dad is… this is the only way I can help him.”
She sucked in a breath and blinked. “What do you mean?”
She pushed off the door frame and joined me at the table. Ryann pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees, just like she did the other night. She seemed smaller that way, like her arms were a shield protecting her from the world. “Help him?” she clarified.
Tell her.
Five people knew about the shitstorm divorce my parents were going through. Me, my dad, my mom, the man she was sleeping with, and my former best friend who happened to be her boyfriend’s son. It was a scene out of a damn soap opera, but the drama didn’t lessen the hurt.
I ran the pad of my thumb over my knuckles, finding myself continually looking at Ryann’s lips. They were full, pink, and expressive. Her mouth was pulled into a slight frown, like she already knew the torment of my family.
“My senior year of high school, my mom left my dad and me for my former best friend’s father. I haven’t seen her since. She’s taken everything she can in the divorce, my dad’s heart and his money.” I gripped the water bottle and took a long drink, wetting my throat and willing the ball of emotion there to lessen. “His company also let him go a few months ago. He’s drowning in debt, lawyer fees, and might have to declare bankruptcy.”
“The scholarship helps him financially,” she said. Her only reaction to my words was her face losing a bit of color.
