“Please, stop. Don’t look for reasons to excuse your brother’s behavior. He’s right. I’m not her parent; I shouldn’t be making decisions that involve her on my own. Now that the lines are fully established, I won’t be making that mistake again,” I say with an emotionless voice.
Aubrey goes to speak again, but I stop her. “Look, I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
I peek down at Gracie, who has a sad expression in her eyes, as if she can sense something isn’t right. I’ve tried not to look at her since she came home. It’s been hard, but every time I let my gaze travel to her, I feel my heart breaking.
Greyson’s right. I put Gracie in danger today. Even if it turned out to be just a series of unfortunate events, it could have been worse. Unbelievably worse.
I look away quickly and move to the side, passing Brey and heading into my room.My original room.All my things are in Greyson’s, but there’s no way I’m sleeping in there tonight.Or any other night.
Once I’m inside, I close the door quietly, lock it, and drop down to the floor. With my back against the wood, I bring my knees up close to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. My head drops down as I soak the bottom of my dress with my tears.
How did we go from making love to this?
How can he say such cruel things when he knows how much they affect me?
How can he compare me to the woman I despise the most, knowing that my biggest fear is to turn out like her?
Is he right?
Did I let Claudia take Gracie so that they could spend time together?
Or was it my excuse for wanting some time to myself?
I turn my head to the side, still resting against my knees, and bring the hand that holds a piece of my special mug into view. The last piece of my grandfather, now gone forever. Another sob breaks free, and I bring the ceramic to my chest, pressing it to my heart.
“I’m sorry, Pops. I tried to make it last a lifetime… but I failed you… I fail everyone.” I turn my head back into my knees and cry for as long as the tears keep coming.
I’m not sure how much time has passed. It’s dark in my room with no light on, and I don’t have my phone, but it feels like a few hours. My head is pounding from all the crying, and my ass is sore from sitting on the hardwood floor for so long. I’m about to get up and climb into my bed when I hear footsteps outside my door.
“Bunny?... Em…” He sighs when I don’t answer.How can he call me that after the way he treated me?
“I’m so fucking sorry, Em. I don’t know why I said all that stuff. I didn’t mean a single word of it. You know that… Maybe not right now, but deep down, you know that’s not truly how I feel. I was just angry and confused. I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I am now, and I know how much I fucked up. I know how badly I hurt you with my words and with my actions…”
He goes quiet for a moment, but I can still hear him breathing from the other side, so I wait. “I know everything you ever do is in Gracie’s best interest. I was just so scared, Em. If something had happened to her… I wouldn’t have survived it. And then when we finally got her back, I was angry.” He breathes out.“Angry that we were in that situation in the first place, and I lashed out at you instead of taking the time to digest everything properly. Because I know you never meant to put her in harm’s way. All you wanted was to make everyone happy. I see that now… I just wish I had seen it sooner.”
Yeah, me too…
I pull the sunflower away from my chest and rest it in the center of my palm, gliding the tip of my index finger over each ceramic petal. “Out of anything you could have picked up, out of everything on that counter you could have broken," I whisper, "You chose theonething that mattered the most to me in my life. Theonething that I willneverbe able to get back.” My voice cracks as I hold in another sob and tilt my head back against the door, closing my eyes as the tears come rushing back, but I force them to stay at bay.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry about your mug, Bunny… I swear I didn't see it… I didn't realize what I had grabbed…" His voice drops to an emotional whisper. "You have no idea how horrible I feel… I know how much it meant to you… but I’m going to fix it… I’ll find a way to fix it. To fix us.”
“There’s no way to fix this,” I say loud enough for him to hear.
A few beats pass before he replies. “The mug... or us?”
My face scrunches up as I squeeze my eyes tighter together and dig my head into the wooden door, my heart feeling like it’s continuously shattering. I had managed to stop crying, but the pain in his voice as he asks the question makes another single one slip free.
“Both…” I whisper back, not wanting him to hear it, but needing to say it. Because I truly don’t see how we can fix this…
I’ll never forget what he said…
He hears it anyway. “No… no, no… baby… you—you don’t mean that. You can’t mean that. I… I love you, Emma. I love you.”
I bring my hand to my lips, pressing hard against my mouth and squeezing my eyes shut. My heart painfully aches as I whimper and weep.
Why now? Why would he say it now when he had weeks to do it? Months. Why does he have to say the one thing I’ve waited to hear fall from his lips while my heart is breaking?
I don’t know what to do, how to feel. I’m confused and lost. I don’t know how I’ll do this. Being around Gracie, knowing in less than two months I’ll lose her entirely. Being around Greyson all the time and acting like everything is fine. Pretending I’m not falling apart as I watch my dream life disappear before my eyes.My family…
