“Oh.” Stephanie’s smile faltered a little before she fixed it back in place. “I see.”
“I’m sorry,” Xander apologized next.
“No, it’s fine.” She winked. “Of courseyou have a girl. Lucky her.”
With that she walked away, and Xander watched her leave, his eyes lowering below her waist to see she had an ass to go with her ample cleavage she wasn’t shy about showing.
He sucked his teeth and returned his attention to his drink.
Three years ago, he’d already be easing her out of her sweater dress by now.
Tonight, all he wanted was to, at the very least, hear Rylee’s voice on the other end of his phone.
“That woman had some big ass titties and a fat ass that did absolutely nothing for me.” His glass was to his lips when he mumbled, “Rylee and them kids done broke me, Jay.”
Jamal hollered a laugh, slapping a hand to his friend’s shoulder. “Yeah, you broken, bruh. Irreparable.”
Xander couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“And I don’t think you wanna be saved.”
“You damn right I don’t wanna be saved. Shit.”
He shook his head again while wrapping his big hand around the short glass.
“I’m really getting older, man.” Xander chuckled to himself. “I’m out here wanting something real these days. A home. A family. A future that doesn’t feel temporary. It’s crazy, honestly.”
“So you, like… youreallyheld Rylee the whole night as she cried over dude?”
Xander sighed, closing his eyes and inhaling a deep breath. “I had to, man. It was her best friend and father of her children’s death anniversary. I walked in there and saw her looking all broken, a shell of herself. I had to. So yeah, I held her as she cried in my arms and that shit led to us making love?—”
“Wait, what?”
Xander blew air through his lips while squeezing his eyes closed. He lowered his head to pinch the corners of them. “I’d rather not share any more than that, Jay.”
Jamal sat quietly beside Xander, not pushing for more information just yet, simply giving Xander the space.
And that was one of the reasons Jamal was his best friend, and why they’d been friends since high school, becoming firefighters together after being EMTs. Their lives were similar, except Jamal had started his family before Xander, while Xander spent more time in the bachelor life.
But things were changing for Xander in ways he never expected, and he had no desire to run from that change. He just wished falling for Rylee didn’t feel like walking a tightrope with no net.
Even as the frustration tried to build when he thought about how resistant Rylee had been to him getting close to her and her kids, he remembered the night before—walking into that room and seeing her curled up in a ball. Then helping her into the tub, her eyes red-rimmed, spirit depleted… he understood the resistance. He just wished he could do something about it. Do something about the pain and her worrying about getting too close.
What did she think could go wrong?
“Holding her as she cried over him felt like the only relief I could provide,” Xander shared after some silence between them. “I don’t know if making love last night was right, given the circumstances or whatever, but shit…” He shook his head. “It felt like the only thing I could do to help her breathe again.”
Jamal pressed his tongue to his cheek and nodded. “Was she into it?”
Xander jerked his head back then shot his friend a mean glare. “Man, Jay.”
Jamal raised his hands between them. “I’m just asking.”
“It wasn’t likethat,” Xander insisted, fixing his eyes to Jamal. “It wasn’t about the sex at all. It was the only thing I knew how to give her that didn’t need words. Because words were just failingme at the time. She was crying over losing a man she loved. What the fuck can I say to that? What can I do when I love her the way she says she still loves him?”
Jamal blew air through his lips, lifting his glass of cognac to his mouth to drink. He took a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts when he asked Xander, “Are you sure she sees y’all relationship like you do? Or are you just playing husband in your head?”
Xander blinked in response.
