“I just… I don’t see how the hell you do it orwhyyou’re choosing to put yourself through this.”
Xander ran his hand down his face. “I put myself through this, because… she’s the love of my life and I’ll do whatever the hell she needs, man. Even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. And scary?—”
“Scary?” Jamal questioned.
Xander swallowed hard while shaking his head, gathering his thoughts.
“Jay, I can walk into burning buildings without blinking. You know that.” Xander stared into his drink. “But the thought of Rylee deciding she doesn’t want me because she can’t get over the loss of her children’s father?” He exhaled. “Yes.Thatshit is scary as fuck. And it’s the one thing I don’t know how to survive.”
“Damn.” Jamal slapped Xander on the shoulder again and held Xander’s shoulder blade in his tight grip. “You’d be lucky to be only down bad, man.”
Xander chuckled, lifting his glass to continue sipping his drink. “Tell me about it.”
“OMG!” Nova shouted from the living room. “What’sthat?!”
Xander’s heart melted the moment he noticed the gleam in Nova’s eyes. They were focused on the bags Xander had walked into the brownstone holding. Which was a huge contrast to the look in Rylee’s eyes when she opened the door to see him standing on the other side holding the bags.
“They’re for you two,” Xander informed, stepping out of his sneakers and walking the bags into the living room.
He didn’t pop up this time. As promised, he texted Rylee to see if it would be fine for him to stop by the brownstone after his shift that evening, and she told him sure.
“I was at work on the field when we got a call to a toy store,” Xander explained, setting the bags down and crouching to the kids’ height. “The space waspackedwith toys.”
LJ’s face lit up. “From the floors to the ceiling?”
Xander smiled. “To the windows to the walls, my guy.”
Rylee snorted behind him.
“Cool!” Nova chimed in.
“So, when I sawthis,” Xander remarked, pulling out the mini dollhouse. “Andthis,” he added, lifting the Bill Nye virtual reality science kit from the second bag next. “I justhadto get them for you two.”
“Oh. My. God!” LJ whispered. His little jaw dropped as he picked up the kit, his eyes locked on the VR goggles. “This issocool.”
“Thank you, Uncle Xander!” Nova said, wrapping her little arms around Xander’s neck from behind. “It’s my favorite.”
“Yeah!” LJ echoed next, running up to Xander and embracing him in just as tight of a hug as his big sister. “It’s my favorite in the whole wide world too. Thank you.”
Xander laughed as he hugged them back.
In that moment, he felt so damn full and couldn’t deny it.
He hadn’t planned on it. But after answering a call at a toy store—just some overheated batteries in a display—he saw the dollhouse and the science kit, and he couldn’t not get them.
“Mmm-hmm,” his best friend Jamal teased, smiling at Xander as Xander paid for the toys at the register. “He lost in the sauce.”
Xander didn’t mind it or care when his fellow firefighters teased him on the way back to the firehouse. They laughed and talked shit at Xander and his big self cradling bags of toys in his seat on the truck. But he didn’t care. He just blocked them out, choosing to imagine the kids’ reaction when he brought the toys to them. He knew it would be worth it.
And it was.
He peeked back at Rylee to see her arms folded. The moment she saw him looking at her, he noticed her force a smile. Knew it was forced by how tight it looked on her lips.
Xander arched a brow at that.
“Can we play with them, Mommy?” Nova asked. “Please, please, please!”
“Yeah,” LJ chimed in. “Please!”
