Glancing around, I have no fucking idea where I landed. There are no trails I can take a guess at in my line of sight. Turning my glare on the hill that put me through the wringer, I groan. It's not horribly steep, but it'stall. Any steeper and I would have seriously injured myself. I can move my foot enough, but it hurts so much I'm trembling.
I can do this if I get mad. There isn't an option for me to call my family or the guys. Nobody's here, and I'm all alone. Mama always told me anger is easy because it's fuel. Fuel to conquer and continue. Well, I need to do both, so this Bubbles is pissed. Let’s fucking go.
"Bitch," I hiss at the pile of dirt and trees. That's all it is, and it thwarted me today. Of course, the hill doesn't respond. Just taunts me and waves its trees around.
The tears continue to fall as I drag myself on my hands and knees as I take my first portion of the climb. It's all I can do not to crumble and cry for someone to help me. It hurts to breathe, everything burns, I'm freezing, and I can't walk.
I'm all I've got. And I know what to do. So now it's time I put my trust in myself to the test.
"The guys are going to be so mad," I grumble. Fucking hill is going to get me in trouble.
Fifty
NATE
Iam incapable of tearing my eyes away from the paper in front of me.
When we told Cassidy we hadn't heard from Violet in almost six hours, she flipped out.
When Ellis expressed his concern that she might have run again, Cass told me to go through V's journals to see if there could be any clues of that being the truth. I refused, saying that was a horrible breach of privacy, but as six hours became eight, I couldn't refrain. I had to know whether Ellis was right.
Was she saying goodbye to us when she left?
She’s been gone for three days, and her texts have become fewer. Cassidy said it's probably bad service, but Jamie has looked sick to his stomach ever since Ellis mentioned her running.
Not even Jamie knew if this was normal behavior for her because she's been distant as hell with him until last month. He knows nothing. We know nothing.
All we have is the trauma of the last time she left usin her rearview mirror. Is this time the same? She just couldn't commit? Jamie's barely said anything to us since we got here, but now I'm the one incapable of speech.
Seeing her room for the first time was like a fucking punch to the gut. It's scarce and depressing, like she packed up and is planning to leave. All except her notebooks.
Over and over again she jotted down her worries, thoughts, and fears. When she told us she hated herself, I didn't believe it. Not until this moment. Violet has to convince herself that her bad thoughts aren't true.
Does Jamie know about this? About how deep her pain runs? It's practically in her veins. No part of her life is untouched by this sheer anxiety. She even wrote about taking a nap one day not making her a lazy person. Who has to tell themselves it's okay to rest without feeling bad about it?
Violet second guesses every single choice she makes. It would make sense she's second guessing our relationship change. It's not the norm in society. Even though her mom lives in a polyamorous relationship, Violet is a different person than Blue.
Tossing another notebook to the side, I grab the most recent one on her nightstand and take a deep breath. My eyebrows furrow as the script changes. She’s no longer questioning who she is as a person, but it looks more like a list of things she needs to think about and process.
Her birthday and Jamie’s is on here. Then her needto ensure she can handle a relationship like ours. The last entry makes my shoulders slump in relief.
My worries and insecurities were soothed by Jamie, Nate, and Ellis. Fact.
I can confidently say I am comfortable moving forward with this relationship. Fact! :)
I'm happy. Fact.
I'm bubbly. Never thought I'd say this but fact!
Leaping from her bed with the notebook in my hand, I rush into the living room. Excited to share my news, I give the book to Cassidy first and turn to my partners.
Jamie's phone is against his ear like it has been all morning, and Ellis is pacing, trying to rip his hair from his skull. I clear my throat, and Jamie turns around, not dropping the phone.It must be ringing.
"I—"
I'm cut off as I realize Ellis is talking. No. More like he's rambling, getting louder and louder. He's closer to Jamie, and when Cassidy speaks up behind me, I startle.
But what she has to say doesn't matter because then I hear the fucking words that Ellis swore never to speak. Nothing matters because I'm getting a front-row seat to Jamie's heart shattering.
