“Shit. Did something happen to Elias? Was he in an accident or something?”
“It’s not my business to tell. Just trust me, okay?”
Nate nods, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
The smile slowly spreads across Nate’s face again. “He really likes you.”
Don’t.But I can’t say it. Nate thinks Elias is my boyfriend,not just a guy I’m hooking up with. Why wouldn’t he be protective over me? I’m supposed to actually mean something to him. I can’t let myself get carried away over Elias’ reaction today. He would have acted like that over anyone, right?
When we head backinto the living room, Elias is sitting on the edge of the couch. The guys are passing chips and popcorn around and fighting over the remote. He looks at me through the madness. Our eyes meet and for a moment, I feel held in place and … seen.
He stays for the madness of movie night at a frat house. A lot of guys come and go, but some stay for the whole movie—talking over the important parts and getting shushed. Throwing popcorn someone’s going to have to clean up later—probably me. At one point, my brothers spill onto the floor, sitting on cushions and that gross beanbag someone dragged in from the clubhouse.
I wonder what Elias thinks about all this. I’d always considered college the happiest years of my life. The years I’ve been so scared to leave behind. Does he think it’s all silly and a waste of time? Or can he see what I see?—friendship, camaraderie, the opportunity to be better and build meaningful relationships for life.
His face gives no clues, as usual. He sits there with his excellent posture, watching the movie and eating an occasional kernel of popcorn.
The guys don’t seem phased by him hanging around. They’ve gotten used to girlfriends and Evan hanging around by now.
I don’t think he’s paying attention to me at all. In fact, I think he’s forgotten I’m even here. I’m sure I could slip outand he wouldn’t notice. But then my phone buzzes in my pocket and I see a text he must have sneakily sent when I wasn’t looking.
Can I hold your hand?
When I saw a text from him pop up, I thought he was going to ask if we could sneak off and have sex. But no, he just wants to hold my hand—in front of all my fraternity brothers.
I put my phone back in my pocket and watch him sweat for a moment, noticing now how tense his jaw is. How good he is at pretending to be cool.
I slide my hand over to his and give it a squeeze. He squeezes back.
A few of the guys glance over and smile at the sight of our clasped hands. Archer snorts before going back to the movie.
God, this feels amazing. Not being pathetic, lonely Ben for once. People seeing me as someone with an actual boyfriend, even if we are just temporarily hooking up.
The credits roll on the movie and Archer tells the pledges who are still awake to start cleaning everything up. I try to help, but Archer clamps his hand on my shoulder and tells me, “This is pledge work, Harris.”
“You are being nice to the pledges, aren’t you?”
I glance around for Jamie. He always looks like he’s on the verge of crying. But he’s nowhere to be seen. He must have gone to bed.
Archer holds a hand to his chest and makes a face like he’s offended. “Of course I am! I take my role as co-pledge master very seriously. These guys are like my little brothers.”
“If you say so.”
“Oh, and Harris.” Archer leans in so he can whisper. “I’m in the room next to yours, so keep it down tonight, yeah?”
I could die on the spot. Archer winks before turning to bark instructions at the pledges.
I think Elias is going to go home after the movie anyway, but when I walk into the hallway with him, he turns and asks where my room is.
I love the idea of him spending the night, but reality sinks in pretty quickly. I’ll keep him awake with my stupid snoring and sleep-talking. “You don’t have to stay, I’m fine.”
His face drops. “You don’t want me to stay.”
“No, it’s not that. I do, it’s just … I don’t want to keep you awake.”
He pulls me in by the waist and kisses the top of my head. “I don’t care.”
