“You didn’t get me hurt,” I argue, unable to process what Nate is saying about Elias. It can’t be true. It just can’t be.
“It reminded me of Evan’s reaction when I broke my wrist last year. Those guys jumped him and I just wanted to save him. It wasn’t his fault, but he acted like it was. Like he hated himself. Well, Elias looked at me the way Evan looked at himself. Like I’d broken something so important to him. Like nothing else in the world mattered in that moment except you being okay.”
Is Elias my Evan? Impossible. I could never have what Nate and Evan have. Could I?
“It really hurts,” I say. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I want to cry all the time. My chest physically aches when I’m around him. It sucks.”
Nate laughs. “That’s what being in love feels like. But it’s worth it. I promise.”
I whine and let my head fall back against the tiles.
“I don’t like it. How do you make it stop?”
“Open the door, silly.”
I lift my head, lick my dry lips and look at the door.
“I want to tell you one more thing before I open it.”
“Shoot.”
“I think I like weird things in bed.”
There’s a miniscule pause. “Okay.”
“I like it when … when Elias doesn’t move. Like … I just wantto keep him … his you know … inside me. It just feels … calming and … really good.” My face is on fire, but at least I’ve said it now.
“So what?”
“So … it’s weird!”
“It’s not weird, Ben. It makes sense.”
“It does?”
“Yeah. Everyone likes different things. It’s your business. If Elias is into doing it with you, then great. I’m sure plenty of people are into the same thing.”
Yeah, I’ve seen them online, but online feels different to real life.
“Would you ever? I mean, you don’t have to tell me?—”
“Sure. I mean, I think I’m way too impatient to last long before telling Evan to move, but if Evan wanted me to stay still for an hour and he was really into it, I’m sure I could be persuaded.”
I sigh, relief flooding through my whole body.
“Nowwill you open the door?”
“Give me a minute to stop blushing.”
“Ben!” Nate laughs, exasperated. “I’ve seen you blush a million times. It’s one of your more endearing qualities.”
“It is?”
“Yeah, now come out? I’m starving and you still need to take a shower. I’m not sitting on a plane with you stinking.”
26
ELIAS
