There’s a long pause.Please say something.
“Oh.”
“I should have told you, I?—”
“No, Ben.…” Nate takes his weight off the door and his sneakers turn to face me. “I’m glad you told me now. I mean, you should have told me sooner, then maybe I could have been more considerate.” He sighs. “God, it must have sucked hearing me talk about Evan.”
“I’m over it now. I think it was just … I don’t know. I love you as a friend, and I guess I’d idealized the idea of us being more. When you said you were bi, it just kind of made it real, you know? It was easier when you were my unattainable straight guy crush. Then you became my bi friend with a boyfriend and suddenly, the reason you weren’t into me wasn’t because you weren’t into men. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does.”
“I don’t want things to be weird between us. And please don’t tell Evan!”
There’s a bang against the door, like Nate slapped his hand against it. “Ben, if you don’t want me to tell anyone your secrets, then I won’t. That includes Evan. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“So, can you come out now?”
“Not yet.”
He snorts. “Fine.”
His shoes disappear. “Where are you?”
“I’m sitting on the counter and waiting for you to be ready to come out.”
“You’re a good friend, Nate.”
“So are you. That’s why everyone loves you.”
My heart pounds.
“You do know that, right? That everyone adores you?”
I study the back of my hands and try not to think about Elias making me feel wanted for the first time in my life. Maybe I should have focused more on the love my friends give me. It just wasn’t easy when I was ignored by my own family.
“So what’s the deal with Elias?” Nate asks. “You say you weren’t dating, but it sure looked real. Did you actually lose your virginity to him?”
“Yes. At my parents’ house. Nate, he was so kind to me. He stood up to my parents, told them how amazing I am. It was awesome.”
“You really like him, don’t you?”
“Yes, and I thought he maybe liked me.”
“He does.”
“No. He basically just told me to leave him alone. He needs to focus. He’s mad at me for stealing his limelight. All he cares about is being number one. Maybe he’s just like Priestley.”
“No, Ben. Priestley made you feel like crap. But I’ve seen you with Elias, he doesn’t make you feel like that. When you were around Priestley, you’d shrink. But when you’re with Elias, it’s like you … I don’t know, like you glow or something.”
I smile, but it’s short-lived. “You didn’t see his face, Nate.”
“He’s disappointed. He’s gutted right now, but just give him time, he’ll realize he’s been a dick and he’ll apologize.”
“Why are you sticking up for him? I thought you didn’t like him for me?”
“That’s before I saw him with you, before that day in the hospital when he looked like he was going to kill me for getting you hurt.”
