“Sure,” I say, my voice so quiet it’s barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
He opens his mouth and I expect him to tell me to stop apologizing, like he always does. But he just closes it again before walking away.
I haveto dip into the bathroom before I can face the guys again. I close myself away in a stall and let myself have a good cry. God, this feels terrible. Even worse than that unrequited love thing I had with Nate. Even though I knew what I was getting into with Elias, I never knew what it felt like to be wanted the way Elias wanted me. Now I have to go back to living without it? That sucks more than never having it at all.
The main door opens and I stop sniffling.
“Ben?”
Damn you, Nate.
I clear my throat before speaking. It’s still obvious I’ve been crying.
Nate’s tennis shoes come to a stop outside the stall door.
“Hey, you okay in there?”
“I’m fine.”
“Can I come in and give you a hug?”
“I’m okay.”
Pause. “Okay.”
He’s still standing there.
“Nate?”
“Yeah?”
What’s the point in keeping up the charade now? “I lied to you.” Why is it so much easier to talk to a bathroom door than a person?
“What do you mean?”
“Elias and I were never dating.”
Silence.
“We were pretending, to … get you off my back about finding a boyfriend.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, Nate. I didn’t want to lie to you, it’s just … I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
Nate lets out a big sigh. “Ben, please open the door.”
“Seriously, this will be easier if you let me hide behind it.”
The door shudders when he leans his weight against it.
“Go on.”
I swallow. “I appreciated you trying to set me up, and I know you were just trying to be a good friend, but … it sucked.”
I pause and he waits for me to go on.
“Since freshman year, I kind of had a crush on you.”
