I take a deep breath, trying to ease the jealousy burning inside me.
Thankfully, Jessica quickly excuses herself from Peter’s arms and slips out of the room.
I excuse myself from the group I’ve been lingering with and follow her.
I just need to talk to her, if only to ask how she’s doing. It pains me to have her so close but not be able to have her. I catch up to her as she hurries down the corridor.
“Jessica, wait.” Shefreezes in her spot, and when she turns to look at me, I almost tumble to the ground at the sight of the pain in her eyes.
The sadness in her eyes mirrors my own.
Her eyes have always been one of my favourite features about her, and right now, I feel terrible knowing I’m the one causing her pain.
“What do you want?” she asks me, and I sigh, seeing her so devastated. Knowing I can’t bring us out of this misery, even though I would like nothing more. It’s obvious that we’re both miserable, and I don’t even understand why I chased after her initially.
I couldn’t control myself.
I just had to talk to her, although it hurts.
This is painful in every way.
“How are you doing?” I ask with a gentle tone, and she scoffs at me.
“You don’t get to ask me that. You made it clear you don’t want me in your life, so I’d prefer if you stayed out of mine.” Her tone has more of a bite to it now, and I’m grateful.
It’s easier if she hates me.
Seeing the fire in her eyes also means she still cares; she’s hurt, and part of me is glad that we’re in this pain together in some way.
And seeing her riled up has always been one of my favourite things about her.
“Didn’t take you long to move on to thenext big driver in the paddock,” I toss back at her, making her even more furious.
Even though I really shouldn’t light up her temper, I can’t control myself, and seeing her reaction is the closest thing I’ve felt to alive since I broke up with her.
She takes a deliberate step toward me.
“You men and your fucking egos. To your information, which you don’t even deserve, it would be impolite to turn down a dance with him, and I only did it because I know I’ll be seeing him for work and didn’t want to bruise his ego,” She spits at me, and I feel even more like an asshole.
She’s entitled to dance with whoever she wants to; I just wish it were me.
It was supposed to be me.
And now I feel even worse.
Knowing I’m the one causing her pain, and putting salt into our wounds by chasing her down, riling her up, and not being able to make things right again.
“I’m sorry, Jessica, for everything. I wish things were different,” I tell her, and I feel drained all over again.
Seeing her, talking to her, and smelling her brings back all the good memories and moments we shared.
I try to remember that I’m doing this for her.
I want her to have every dream come true, without my name or fame getting in the way.
I’d never forgive myself if she gave up opportunities because of her relationship with me or if chances were ripped away from her.
“Yeah, I’m sorry as well that you’re a fucking coward,” Jessica says, and even though it crushes me, I turn around and walk away, while it feels like I’m leaving part of myself in that corridor.
