Not without him. Not anymore.
My fingers ran down my throat, curling inward until my nails met skin. Digging in as deep as I could, I scratched myself, clawing away at the metaphorical noose that was seconds away from suffocating me. With each cry, I carved harder, hoping that I’d somehow slice through my skin and bleed out so I could be reunited with him, so I didn’t have to be the one to call an end to his life.
“FUCK!” I sobbed, my back trembling as I failed to draw in any amount of oxygen close enough to what he provided me. “I’m sorry… God, I’m sorry… I’m s-so fucking s-s-sorry.”
Clenching my fist, I pushed myself upright before driving my knuckles into the concrete. Searing agony shot across my hand before sprawling up my arm, but it was nothing compared to the dull ache that sat in the center of my chest. Drawing back, I punched the ground again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Crimson bloomed from my skin, bones visible beneath parted flesh, but it didn’t stop me. Not when all I could see in front of me was Oren’s fading stare and the scarlet that coated his chest and stomach.
My knuckles slammed against the concrete for an indecipherable time, bones shattered and broken beneath my wrath and sorrow. I lost everything I loved no matter how much I pleaded for a moment of reprieve.
Oren had been my reprieve.
And he was fucking gone.
The back double doors slammed open, padded footsteps rushing against the concrete I’d painted red. “Thorne, he’s awake! Fuck! What did you do…”
They were words I couldn’t understand, a mockery of the truth I knew. He was gone. Oren was gone. And whatever sick delusion my mind was crafting only had me struggling to breathe.
Bringing my still-functioning hand to my neck, I clawed downward, begging for something,anything,to make it stop. With the rise of my chest, a shattered cry tumbled from my lips—the sound of a broken man, a man who wanted nothing more than for his suffering to end…
I wanted someone tokill me.
Strong hands gripped my shoulders, yanking my hand away from digging further. “Thorne… Thorne, he’s awake.” A cry. “Oren’sawake.”
“Stop lying to me!”I screamed, shoving Matt away from me as I scooted across the ground. Driving my already broken fist into the ground, I sobbed, continuing to beat the earth beneath me as if it were somehow responsible for my shortcomings. “He’sdead,Matt! Dead!”
“No, he’s not!” His reply came sharply, his eyes finding mine. “He’s awake and asking foryou.The first thing he did was mutter your name!”
Asking for you.
The first thing he did was mutter your name.
Forcing myself up from the ground, my head spun, and I stumbled, my knees slamming against the ground again.
“For fuck’s sake,” Matt said, a quiet sob leaving his throat. Wrapping his arm beneath my shoulders, he lifted me, just as he’d done plenty of times before.
“P-Please… If this is a joke… Something to get back at me for all the damage I caused… I-I?—”
“Shutup! You’re wasting your breath on me. You need to save it for Oren. God, especially knowing how long he’s been out for, I bet he’s going to talk non-stop for fucking seven days.”
Obliging, I limped weakly beside him. With my gaze locked on the door I’d lived behind for seven days, it became my focus, my vision tunneling as I struggled to keep myself upright.
I had to see him.
Ihadto see him.
The gap between us and the room closed, a few nurses attempted to stop us on the way because of my hand, but I refused care. I wouldn’t allow anyone to touch me until I knew that what Matt had said was true.
Leaning on the wall, I waited for Matt to open the door to Oren’s room before I offered my arm to him again. He took it without question, draping it over his shoulders as I stumbled back to meet him again, the two of us entering the space.
Simon and Liam were crying off to the side, but smiles rested on their faces as they glanced at the frame tilted up.
