“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK,MATTHEW!”I screamed, my voice tearing through the open fields. “I. Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck. And why thefuckshould I?! When none of you,none of you,gave a fuck about me!”
“We did it to protect you, to save you for once in your goddamn life.We, your squad, elected?—”
“Save your fucking breath,” I muttered, shoving my hands in my pockets as I started walking away from the man I once trusted more than myself. “You all shoved me into that abyss, and I am gone. I’m fuckinggone,Matthew.Youdid that. Not me.”
“If it takes you being gone now to save you later, I’ll bear the price, but don’t lash out at Oren. It was my final decision, not his.”
“You’re fucking unbelievable.” Biting my cheek, I swallowed my own blood to keep myself from lashing out, blood I planned to spill the instant I set foot in my bedroom. “Don’t waste your time pretending to care about me anymore, Matthew. Based on everything you’ve said, it’s apparent you don’t. Thanks for yourwisdom,I’m done here.”
“Wisdom is sometimes difficult to swallow, but you need to talk to Oren. If not me,him, Thorne.” His voice trembled, but I didn’t fucking care.
“Yeah, I’d rather slit my own throat than involve myself with any of you outside of this mission. Thanks though.”
Not giving him another chance to speak to me, I put one foot in front of the other, walking away from the friendship I’d believed would last lifetimes. The universe wished to laugh in my face, to prove to me that I was undeserving of anything and anyone, and I was done pretending I didn’t know how to read between the lines.
Their decisions told me everything I’d ever needed to know without them so much as having to utter a word.
There is no life if you are not here beside me. Not even if my father’s empire falls, because there is no reason for me to continue without your presence.
Lies.
I would do anything for you, for your happiness if it meant seeing this pure elation on your face.
Lies.
You taught me to stop running, to face my demons. You made me blossom and allowed me to find something worth protecting and fighting for.
Fucking lies.
“T-Thorne?” His blubbering voice echoed above the noise in my head, Oren saying my name no longer a prayer or devotion, instead, a damnation.
“Stay the fuck away from me,” I barked, a warning that I meant with every fractured remnant of my heart, a heartheshattered.
Oren’s face was red and raw from the tears coating his cheeks. “Please… Let me explain. You didn’t deserve?—”
“No!” I screamed, anguish and ire fusing as one. “God! You are fucking maddening, fucking unbearable! Just like your goddamn father. So stay the fuck away from me.Neverspeak to me again outside of orders, or this bullshit mission you’ve elected to toss us into. I am done.Weare done.”
“I know I am. I know… I know it was wrong.”
“Good. I’m glad you know,” I snarled, my skin itching with the need for me to shred it open, to somehow free myself from every goddamn feeling that threatened to crush my chest. “I’m glad you’re at leastthatcoherent in your decision making,CCommander.”
“Not coherent. Not… not at all. I let them make the decision. I didn’t…”
“Didn’t fight for me?” Laughter tumbled from my lips as I closed my eyes, shoving the tears into the confines I’d wrapped around my subconscious. “Why would you? Why would any of you when you were so willing to toss me to the goddamn wolves? If you wanted revenge or whatever the fuck it was for Simon? Amazing fucking job, Oren. Amazing fucking job. I hope destroying me was everything youyearnedfor.”
“I fought… I fought for you to know, but Matt?—”
“Right, my best friend who was never my best friend.” Running my tongue over my canines, I shoved off everything else I wished to utter—toscream.“I’ve been debriefed. No use in further wasting your time. Your second is back there if you wish to speak to him. I’ll see you during the briefing tomorrow, Commander.”
“I’m not wasting my time, Thorne. I wish to speak toyou. To let you yell at me, or express whatever you’re feeling.”
“No.You’ve wasted enough ofmyfucking time.”
A shattered sob left him as he shook his head. “You’ve never wasted my time.”
“That’s because Ilovedyou.” My jaw feathered as I forced myself to ignore his agony, shoving the part of me that wished to comfort him away. “You never loved me. You merely loved theideaof me.”
Another wail left him, his hands covering his face. “Loved?”
