“Because it is no longer aboutwantat this point, it is aboutneed,a yearning so deep that you fumble to fully grasp it. It’s the feeling of consumption, of being devoured by the one who elected to walk alongside you, the one who chose to see you through the shadows and the darkness.” His hand came to rest over mine, his thumb brushing across my knuckles. “And, by God, Oren, I yearn for you far more than I can put into words.Youbreathe life back into my lungs when I am tempted to suffocate my existence.Youpull me from beneath the waves when my sorrow threatens to drown me.Youignite my soul when my traumas try to snuff it out. There is a beauty to you that I have not been able to decipher, and part of me never wants to because it is simplyyou…and I believe that is the only definition I need.Youare the only thing I need.”
A sob left my chest, one I couldn’t cover, but at the same time, I didn’t feel uncomfortable by it. When was the last time I’d ever been able to be myself? The good, the bad, the horrific parts I’d hidden to play the roles I’d assigned myself to? I couldn’t remember, or maybe there was never a time until now. Until I met him.
“You know, at least we can say one nice thing about the general,” I said through my tears. “I wouldn’t have met you, and you wouldn’t have met me if it wasn’t for him. If it wasn’t for reigniting the trauma we both tried to escape from.” I put the dog tags in my pocket before leaning down to meet him face to face. “If I had to walk through that hell over and over, I would if it meant it would lead me to you. If I could remain at your side, Thorne, I would do it again.”
“And I would happily do the same.” He offered me a saddened smile. “Every scar on my skin, every hour of torture, every second of mental manipulation, every fucking punishment, every goddamn broken scream… If it meant that I had the privilege of crossing paths with you, of learning what it meant to love you, then I would happily offer myself up in this lifetime and any lifetime that follows, because Irefuseto live another without you by my side. Without the beauty that paints your soul and bleeds color into the world. Without your nuances and your never-ending creativity. And when we… When we get out of here. I want to pay for you to go back to school. To chase your dream of becoming an artist.”
I smiled despite the remaining tears. “Only if you promise to be my muse.”
“I will gladly have you paint me as one of your French girls.”
A soft laugh left me before I collapsed into his arms, wrapping mine around him. “You’re cute.”
“I suppose I can take cute.” He pinched my side playfully, nuzzling his face into my neck as I tried to get away from him. Breathing against my skin, his lips brushed the shell of my ear. “Though I much rather prefer sexy or handsome.”
“Thatwould do far too much damage to your ego.” I chuckled, swatting his hand away from my side. “The only time I’d be willing to do that is if you forced me to, and that,sir, is a hard thing to do.”
“You bow for me far too easily,dove,” he hummed, a low growl rolling from the center of his chest. “But I don’t mind the push back, I’m well known for my ability to break others. Not only that, but lucky for you, I enjoy the chase.”
“Hm, you promised to chase me, but I’ve yet to see anything of the sort. I guess those wounds of yours did more damage than you thought.” I bit my lip to keep from smiling, knowing exactly what kind of trap I was laying down for him.
“You think you’re snide, always believing you’re two steps ahead of me.” The corner of his mouth curled upward, a smirk greeting me. “Better get to running, my dove, because I believe I told you once before that I will have no issue breaking your wings.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
OREN
If he wanted to break my wings, he’d have to find me first, and I was excellent at hiding. This wasn’t the first time I’d played a game of cat and mouse, but it was the first timeIwas the mouse.
I normally did the chasing, each solidified step a throb to my cock, but this? This feeling of vulnerability was unlike any encounter I’d permitted myself before. But Thorne was different, and this would be the first time I’d ever let any man tear down the control I maintained to keep my walls from crumbling.
Icravedthis. A desire so painted in bliss I didn’t mind heading into town alone.
It was either the darkened streets or the desert, and well, sand didn’t sound pleasant. Especially if this was going to end how I planned, although something deep in my chest warned me nothing would go according to my imaginings.
I mean, it was fucking Thorne Graves. I wouldn’t put it past the bastard to show in tactical gear. Not that I’d complain, but he was always…extra.
Extra in the best ways possible, a culmination of his wants and desires molding into mine—a want that solidified my decision to unveil the last thread of my desires to him. A thread I’d maintained, because it was dangerous to fall, to feel so emotionally connected to someone, but with him those worries melted like oil pastels left in the sun.
My steps echoed in the quiet night as I walked past closed shops, their lights snuffed from the evening. I wasn’t necessarily sure where I was walking to as I headed further into town, but I knew these streets provided more cover than anything in that barren landscape.
Going into a club would be too predictable, and I wanted to make this difficult for Thorne if I could.
The street light flickered above me, a slight breeze shifting the blonde tendrils of hair across my forehead. I’d forgotten how comforting that feeling was: a sweet reminder of my mom. That, and the epoxy necklace Simon and Liam had crafted from the pieces of that metal cross. While I knew it held no value from her, it had a new meaning.
It represented the friends I’d made, their love poured into the shards I now carried with pride for a different reason. A reason I was succumbing to more each day—a feeling of safety, comfort, and love.
I hadfriends.
I had people to rely on for the first time in my life. Friends I didn’t have to hide behind a mask for. Friends who loved me as endlessly as I did them, who didn’t judge me for past mistakes.
And most of all?
Most of all I had Thorne. Gods above I had him, and I’d never experienced anything this freeing yet confining in my life. I was shackled to him, but comfortable. A unique expression of the turmoil yet healing we’d allowed ourselves.
The blaring bass from the club disrupted my thoughts, and for once, at least it was thoughts that were happy. Not the spiralled mess I was used to.
Running my hand through my hair, I lifted my gaze from the street to my surroundings. How far had I walked while ruminating?
