“What can I say? I’m known for my ruthless demeanor and my nuanced ability to break people psychologically—two things Andrew Valens happens toloveabout me.” Biting my cheek, I shook my head, avoiding his gaze. “I mean, we agreed that, if his son’s failures fell on me, it wouldn’t cost me my position, though my body was included in the deal. So I mean, there’s the former benefit to rely on, right?”
“You mean that facade you continue to push forward? Yeah, definitely not a cost,” he muttered, his gaze boring into me. “It’s already done, so it’s not like I can properly offer advice, but youhaveme to lean on, you know. I think I’d enjoy a lesson with the kid.”
The admittance left me before I could stop it. “I have you to lean on if there’s any ofmeleft.”
Matt clasped my shoulder, squeezing enough to provide a semblance of comfort. “You know I’ll always pick up the pieces.”
Cutting him off, I shook my head. “No, Matt, you’re notlisteningto me. The deal I made with Valens?—”
“Deal? Whatelsedid you offer?” Gone was his neutral tone, a deeper edge to his voice replacing it. “Thorne, I swear if you?—”
“If I tell you, you’re going to want to kill me.”
“I’m already there, sotalk.”
“He was threatening to dismantle our squad. We’ve already lost enough.You’velost enough, and I can’t bear the fucking thought of being the cause of more hardship.” Rubbing my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, I swallowed. “He leveragedyouagainst me in that conversation, Matthew; he said he’d send you back to Iraq. So I did what I had to fucking do.”
“So you decided for me? I get you’re trying to protect what’s left, but when is the cost enough? You’ve paid it. I’ve paid it!”
“Exactly!” I screamed, shoving him away from me. “Irefuseto send you back there! Tolet himsend you back there! I can handle a few bruises, lashings, whatever the fuck he wants to do to me. But Icannothandle any more mental anguish!”
He took a breath, silence brewing for what seemed like minutes before he parted his lips. “I know. Iknowyou can handle these things, but what kind of mental load do you think I have to harbor knowing you carry the weight of my burdens, too? We’ve survived all kinds of shit, and this isn’t any different. I know you did what you had to do, because fuck knows Andrew loves to corner you, but I’m still here. If you need me to take on other duties while you focus on the kid, you tell me. I know I’m not the epitome of ruthless, but I can still be helpful.”
“First, they aren’t your burdens.Imade the decision.Iagreed to serve as his punching bag if I happen to fail this assignment, and God, I have a feeling I might.” Clenching my jaw, I looked up at the only man I had left. “I know you’re more than capable of taking on other duties, and if needed, you know I will ask.”
“Then what’ll give you the best chance at success? The kid’s not invincible, and if anyonecoulddo it, it’s you. You know, I might be able to use my charm and snoop to see if I can find his weak points,” he added, refusing to flinch from my gaze. “You’re not always the most pleasant with first encounters.”
“Okay, asshole,” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “You think this spiteful descendant of one of our mostfavoritemen will enjoy spending time withmysecond in command? Your naivety is adorable.”
“Why not?” He grinned and rubbed the stubble along his jaw. “What’s there to lose? I gain his trust, and you continue to beat his ass until I figure out where his pressure points lie. Are you forgetting I’m anythingotherthan kind? It’s why we work so well, because I carry every trait you seem to lack.”
“Every trait I seem to lack? Like what?”
“Hmm, thoughtful, charming, oh, and like I said earlier,pleasant,” he teased. “It brings me joy to know you like my attributes despite getting on your nerves most of the time.” Matt stood, the clinking of glass catching my attention before he settled two cups on the table, hefty pours of liquor added. “Exceptwe both can agree it’d be a waste to keep the remaining bourbon in this bottle, and despite it all, I think you might need the rest to make it through training that kid.”
“You’re supporting my bad habits after lecturing me about them?” Chuckling, I lifted an amused brow in his direction. “That’s quite hypocritical of you, Harveil.”
“Don’t get used to it, Graves. Indulgence is for the mighty, and today, I think webothcould swing it.”
“Fine.” My tongue clicked against the roof of my mouth as I leaned forward, securing my glass. Raising it toward him, I gently tapped mine against his rim, dipping my chin. “Then indulge we will.”
CHAPTER THREE
OREN
Icried.
Fuck, I cried at the reflection in the mirror, hair buzzed short as hell. The one resemblance to my mother was gone, shaved and swept away by the barber. I knew he was just doing his job, but I didn’t think he was used to men sobbing in his chair over their hair.
The worst part? He handed me a dirtied towel with my hair clippings stuck to it, as if it’d make it right. As if it’d ease the ache of her not being here to see the monster I’d become.
She enjoyed dressing me up as she was a performer in her melodramatic ways. Her one rule? Persona is everything, and nothing screams important like your outward appearance. If she saw me now, she’d scream, but it’d be kind of hard since she’s six feet below concrete.
That’s when Dad spiraled into work and removed himself from my life. Maybe I reminded him too much of her, and that’s why he wanted to change me. Her love of art, music, andtheaterclung to me, sticking to the crevices of my heart because, without it, where would her mark on this earth go? If I didn’t uphold her desires, she’d be erased—a forgotten treasure turned to decrepit bones.
With a half-smile and a mumbled thanks, I ran my hands over my face to muddy the redness I knew was still brewing there as I left the barber. The last thing I needed wasThorne Gravesto find me crying. Hell, any ounce of weakness with him would be exploited to filth, and I wasn’t in that kind of business. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
If my dad couldn’t break me, this Graves asshole sure asfuckwouldn’t do it. I refused, especially after the way he treated me. Was everyone just a number to him? A property tag labeled with their skills as worth?
