“I know your heart is broken and trust is difficult for you, but if you’ll let us, we can help you heal those scars.” Reaching up, Clay cradles my face between his tattooed hands. The intensity of his eyes strikes me, like it always does, and I know that he would put every single part of him on the line to make sure I’m happy. He smiles ruefully, his thumb stroking my cheek. “We might not have shown our best sides before now, but now we are in agreement: we won’t let you down.”
Bear’s chin rests on my shoulder, his cheek pressed against mine. “It’s your turn to heal, Holly, to be loved.” Voice low, he holds me closely as he speaks. “Let us help heal your pain.”
There is so much that could go wrong, but at the end of the day, life is full of what if’s. What if I trust them and they leave? What if I step outside and get mown down by a car? It is terrifying, and I cannot see into the future, but what kind of life would I have if I was restricted by my fear of those ‘what if’s’?
After all, what if our love is one to last a lifetime and I turn it away out of fear? I would be signing myself up to a life of loneliness.
“What if I’m your soulmate?” Clay asks, raising a brow. “You will never know until you take that chance. Will you make that jump and trust me, or walk on by without giving us a shot? What are you prepared to risk?”
I’m taken back by the mention of soulmates. Not because I don’t believe in them, but because I never would have thought that it was something Clay believed in. Is that what he thinks? That we’re soulmates? He seems serious, and I guess that would be a way to explain why we feel so strongly about each other, when all the facts say it’s too soon. We don’t fit the social norm: the curvy bakery owner, and the two muscular gym owners. Even before you add in the idea of the three of us being in a relationship, the speed of our feelings alone would raise eyebrows. However deep inside me I know that everything he says is true.
“We would need to take things slowly,” I find myself saying. “There would have to be some rules.”
I can’t believe I’m even considering this, but I can’t deny that this week has been hell without them. What is worse? Getting hurt by a relationship that I thought could go the distance, or passing on the opportunity of love out of fear?
“Of course,” Bear replies, his expression serious as he nods slowly. He is always looking out for me, especially making sure I’m comfortable around them.
I quickly shift my attention to Clay, who is still standing a hair’s breadth away. Frown gone, I see a rare smile lighting up his face. Gripping me around the waist, he pulls me against him tightly once more, pressing a punishing kiss to my lips. Clay kisses me with the fervour of a man drowning who has discovered his salvation – as though I am his air.
“I missed you.” His words are breathy against my lips, mumbled. His actions make it perfectly clear how he feels, yet he doesn’t want to release me from this moment, making the most of our touch after having been denied it all week.
The need to say something back, to explain how hard it’s been to keep away, burns within me, the words twisting on my tongue, fighting for first place. Parting my lips, I start to speak, although I’m not sure what I’m about to say. The door swings open once more, the cheery sound of the bell so at odds with the intensity of the moment.
Ashley fills the doorway, scanning the scene before her and how both guys are touching me with a familiarity that goes beyond friendship. Her eyes lock on me, taking in my bruised lips and pink cheeks, knowing exactly what’s going on. Slowly, a grin pulls at her lips she cocks her hip, leaning against the door frame. “Is there room for one more, or is this a closed party?”
TWENTY-SEVEN
HOLLY
Curled up on the sofa in my apartment with Bear’s warm body beneath me might just be my new favourite way to spend a Saturday. The TV is playing some true crime show that neither of us are really watching, creating background noise for us as we simply enjoy each other’s company.
Two weeks have passed since that night in the bakery when we agreed I would date the two of them together. After several long conversations about how this was going to work, it was decided that there would be no sex with either Bear or Clay until I was ready. Sex makes things more complicated, as we learnt from my tryst with Clay. Whether we care to admit it or not, jealousy is still something that we have to tackle within the relationship. The last thing I want is to rush into fucking them, cause a rift with one of them, and then everything falls apart because I couldn’t keep my legs crossed. It’s been tough, but both guys are on their best behaviour. Honestly, they’ve been treating me like a queen.
Logistically, dating two guys isn’t always easy. I try to spend an equal amount of time with both of them, individually and as the three of us, but that isn’t always possible. Clay has been needed at the nightclub most of this week, sorting a staffingissue that has been causing him problems. This has meant I’ve not been able to see him as much as I would like to, but we’ve been able to speak on the phone and text each other regularly. However, without his friend monopolising half of my time, Bear has been taking full advantage.
Ashley thinks I’ve hit the jackpot of relationships and keeps telling me I need to get Elliot on board and hit the trifecta. She’s still convinced that he has feelings for me, but if anything, his anger towards me has only gotten worse since Clay and Bear officially became my boyfriends.
Boyfriends. Now there’s something I never thought I would say. It’s funny, I feel like I can see into their souls, and instinctively know that they are good for me. However, I don’t actually know that much about them. Which I guess is all part of dating the other person. We just seemed to skip that part.
Pondering over it, I twist and look up at Bear. “What’s your real name anyway?” It’s been something that I’ve been wondering for the past few weeks, but I’ve never had the opportunity to ask. “Bear can’t be your real name.”
It’s an odd name and it caught my interest at first, but it suits him so I’ve never really questioned it. I can’t imagine him with any other name. Now we’re getting to know each, it feels like the right time to ask.
He chuckles, his hand drawing lazy patterns against the skin of my arm. “It’s Tobias. My mum always called me Teddy, which is cute when you’re five, but not so much when you’re a teenager.” His eyes are distant, lost in memory. I don’t press him for more details, waiting for him to work through the ghosts of his past. Bear takes a deep breath, his eyes focusing on me as he returns to the present. His lips twitch into a smile, but I can see a hint of sadness there. “That’s when I became Bear.”
He still cradles me against him, but the atmosphere has changed. It’s heavier, weighted by his past. I have never heardhim speak about his life before he moved here, and although this feels like something that has haunted him, it also feels like an invitation to know him more. Curiosity has always been one of my traits, and Bear has come to know this. He wouldn’t have hinted at his history if he didn’t want to talk about it.
The plaid shirt he wears is open at the collar and at the top two buttons, allowing me to trace the neckline against his skin with my fingers. “You don’t talk much about your parents.” I keep my voice soft, phrasing it is as comment but with room for him to expand on if he wants to.
“There’s not much to tell.” Releasing a long sigh, he lets his head drop back to the cushions, staring at the ceiling as he speaks. “I never knew my dad, but from what I was told there wasn’t much to know. My mum loved me, but she always had problems with addiction. Eventually I was put into foster care, and that’s where I met Elliot and Clay.”
My heart aches for the young version of Bear. I can only imagine how isolating and lonely it was for a child to grow up in a house filled with addiction. Not to mention the love for his mother who was unable to care for him. How that must have felt, knowing that his mum needed drugs more than she loved him. It does help explain the strength of the bond between the three of them, though. When their own families were unable to be there for them, Bear, Clay, and Elliot created their own family.
What do you say to something like that? Nothing I say will change what happened, but he deserves his struggle to be acknowledged by someone.
“That sounds really difficult.”
He shrugs, giving me a sad little smile. “Everyone has a past. If it hadn’t happened this way, I might never have met the guys.”
