“It was my pleasure.”
Shale let go of my hand and turned around to face the star fountain. “Erelis would have been pleased. And I'm pleased to be able to honor her memory.”
“What was her favorite plant?”
The King blinked, frowned, then turned to look at me. “I can't remember.” His gaze slid away. “I should remember that, shouldn't I?”
“It's been a very long time, Shale. Maybe instead of trying to remember, you should try to forget.”
His frown deepened.
“Not completely,” I hurried to say. “Just about the minor things. You don't have to hoard the details of her life. They are as unimportant as the body she inhabited. They weren't her.”
“But they are all I have left of her,” Shale whispered.
Oh, that cut deep. I don't know why. Maybe because his mate had his love. Even now, in the hands of his god, it still belonged to Erelis. Never to me. Tears suddenly threatened to rise, but I blinked them back.
“Gods, I'm filthy,” I said. “I think I'll head upstairs and bathe.”
I thought Shale might offer to go with me, but he only nodded. He didn't say anything when I rushed away, and I didn't look back. I was happy, truly I was. But at that moment,my happiness faded. Satisfaction vanished. None of the joy we shared mattered. I wanted one thing and one thing alone—Shale's heart.
You always want what you can't have, right?
Rushing past the Dragon knights on guard at the entrance to the King's tower, I kept my head down. My eyes were watering again. Now that I was away from Shale, my body thought it was all right to let loose. I started to tremble as I climbed the stairs. And it wasn't because there were so many of them. Between the garden and the tower stairs, I'd gotten stronger. Then there were the endless escapades in the King's bed. I was in better shape than I'd ever been. Sometimes, I even raced Shale up the stairs. No, it wasn't my muscles that were giving out.
By the time I reached the bathroom and got the door shut, I was crying full out. Just weeping like a little girl. I fell back against the door, then slid down it, and crumpled on the floor. Head on my knees, I let out all the emotions that I'd been denying. The pain, fear, jealousy, rage, and, above all else, the love.
“Sebastian?”
My whole body flinched at the sound of Shale's voice.
Hurrying away from the door, I called out, “Yes?”
“Would you open the door, please?” he asked.
“I'm in the bath. I'll be out in a few minutes.”
“Sebastian, I know you're not in the bathtub. Open the door.”
“I don't want to.”
“Open the door or I'll break it down.” No anger, no passion even, just fact.
I swiped at my eyes. He may not be angry, but he was riling me up. “Great fuck, can't I get a few fucking minutes to myself?” I swung open the door.
Shale grabbed me and pulled me into an embrace. I stiffened, but one of his hands held me tightly while the other rubbed soothing circles on my back. I soon submitted to that silent comfort. With a shudder, I crumpled against him.
Shale didn't speak, just held me as my trembling returned along with my tears. I sobbed. Big, body-wracking sobs. He bent his head over me and stood strong, holding me upright as my strength gave out in more ways than one. I hadn't realized how much my unfailing optimism had cost me. Or how much it hurt to not say what I felt. Holding back, yes, that's what I'd been doing. Holding back the most important parts of myself. The parts that belonged to the Dragon King. I let them go at last, and they flew to him. My heart, mind, and soul. My words.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you, Shale.”
“I know, Sebastian. I know, and I'm so sorry.”
“You're sorry?” I jerked out of his arms.
Shale stared at me with pity and there was caring in that, but no love. Not a drop of it. I had told myself over and over that it didn't matter. Or, worse, that maybe his god hadn't taken all of his love. Maybe a seed of it had been left, and I was exactly what he needed to grow that seed. So stupid. So wrong. All of it. Having Shale was wonderful. Life with him was pure magic. But it was incomplete, and I couldn't be satisfied with it anymore. Not now that I'd given him my heart. Without his heart to takeits place, I couldn't live. No one can live without a heart. Or at least we mortals can't.
I had to take mine back.
