“Damn it all!” he cursed under his breath. “It's what I said earlier, isn't it?”
“That certainly doesn't help.”
“I'm trying to do right by you, Galin. I don't want to hurt you.”
“I know. And I'm glad you're that type of man. I couldn't love you if you weren't.”
“But?”
“But I'm already out of my element here. It's bad enough in Vagasof, getting used to a winter that grounds me. Now I feel . . .”
“Stifled?”
“A bit,” I admitted. “I just want to go home.”
“All right.” Rian pulled me into a hug. “I'll get you back to where you can breathe.”
“Thank you.”
Chapter Forty
The next morning, we said goodbye to Rian's family and flew back to Vagasof with his knights, Sebastian, and Geris. Yes, Geris. He insisted on coming. Honestly, I didn't care. Rian had proven to me that Geris wasn't of interest to him romantically. Geris could try to sway Rian all he wanted, but it wouldn't make a difference. And if he had started the beetle infestation, it was better to have him where Rian could keep an eye on him. Not me, mind you. I was going to my apartment, as far away from Geris as I could get.
Because not only was he a possible traitor who was after my lover, but he also hated me and took every opportunity to speak disparagingly toward or about me. It didn't matter that I had helped to steer them in the right direction. As far as Geris was concerned, I was useless until I had come up with a solution. That irked me. He was irksome. I wasn't even a Dragon, but this had become my problem. Then again, it all made sense if Geris was a beetle-planting traitor. Then he'd be looking for ways to not only belittle Rian's consort but also make himself look good. He wanted to be the hero of the story. Which irked me even more. I suppose the whole situation was irksome. But maybe it would be better now that I was home.
Sensing my need to be away from the castle as fast as possible, Rian summoned a carriage directly after we had landed and he was dressed. I got into the carriage with Vashana and sat back with a sigh. I hadn't been in Vagasof for long, but it felt like home, and I could finally relax.
“Better?” Rian asked as we left the courtyard.
“Yes. Thank you.” I stroked Vashana's head as I stared out the window at the city. “I'm sorry to cut your family visit short.”
“I can go back anytime I wish. And they'll be coming here for your presentation. That will probably be soon.”
I tensed but didn't say anything. As Rian had said, he had the right to hope. It was awful of me to need to slam down those hopes every time he brought them up. But still, it set my wings on edge. He spoke as if it were a certainty and it was far from it. Even worse, I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted anymore. And that made me feel fickle as well as meanspirited.
“I just need to get back in my workroom,” I said. “I'll feel better there.”
“I'll probably have a lot of work piled up myself. So, if I don't stop by soon, don't worry.”
“I promise I won't go storming the castle again.”
Rian chuckled. “Not that I minded. It was romantic.”
“Was it?” I gave him a dubious look. “It felt more desperate to me.”
“No. It was definitely romantic.” He lifted my hand for a kiss, then glanced out the window. “If I can stop by tomorrow for lunch, I will.”
“That's all right. Focus on your work for a while, and I'll focus on mine.”
Rian's expression fell. He stared at me for a few seconds, then murmured, “As you wish.”
I should have said something to ease Rian's anxiety, but I was too drained. He'd asked a lot of me, thrusting me into his difficult family and a major problem, expecting me to make everything better. It felt . . . I don't know, but Rontor would never have done it. Rontor always handled his own shit. He abhorred the thought of passing on responsibilities.
Maybe it was too harsh to think of Rian's actions as passing on a responsibility. A king delegates. Rian didn't have the skills needed to solve this problem, so he found people who did. He even said it was his problem, not mine, and tried to alleviate my stress. Yes, I was being harsh. And yet, it still bothered me. Picking it apart wasn't imparting wisdom. I couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong. Just that something was.
And it stemmed from Rian.
I practically jumped out of the carriage when we stopped before my shop. Seeing it made me realize that Vashana hadn't been given much time to settle into her new home. I hadn't even bought her a proper bed yet. The poor thing only had three days here before she'd been flown across Serai in the claws of a dragon. We both needed some time to relax.
