Xaedren started to growl, his nostrils flaring. Yeah, I still had Jath inside me. Not good.
Rath went still.
“Fuck,” Nex whispered. “Uh, I'm going to look downstairs, and if he's not there, I'll notify the others that Kel is missing.” Then he faded down to the arrival chamber.
All right, that made it a little easier. Maybe.
Then Xae lunged.
“Xae!” I cried out as he grabbed me, pulled me close, and breathed in deeply.
He set me back on my feet with a snarl, “You fucked someone. It wasn't Keltyr, was it?”
I cringed.
“Ember,” Rath whispered as he came up to us. “What did you do?”
“I didn't . . . oh, fuck. I don't know why . . . no, I know why. I just . . . fuck!” I smacked my hands into my head. “Fuck! I'm so sorry.”
Xae growled, his body hunching forward, his shoulders tense and his hands clenched into fists.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “I broke our rule. He just . . . something has been building between us, but he kept pulling away. I should have told you. I lied about it because I didn't want you to stop me from training with him. It's messed with my head. Then, today, I was in the rain. Kel had just left. I felt so happy. Things were going well. And then he was there, and he kissed me, and it just escalated. I couldn't stop myself. All the back and forth. I'd tried to ignore him but—”
“Who?” Xae snapped. “Who did you fuck, Ember?!”
“Jath,” Rath and I whispered together. Rath added, “I fucking knew something was going on.”
Xae roared. The sound echoed in my ears even after he stopped and bent forward to lean on his legs, panting. I stepped back.
“Easy, Xae.” Rath laid a hand on his shoulder. “We knew this would happen soon enough.”
“But not with Jath,” Xae's voice dropped into a rumbling tone, and his stare, when he lifted it to me, went cold.
“Xae, I'm so sorry,” I said again. “Please, forgive me. I let myself get swept up. It was a mistake.”
“You lied to us.”
“I know. I wanted to train with him, and I thought you'd forbid it if I told you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“Tell him it's all right,” Rath said to Xae. “You're scaring him.”
Xae spun and punched the wall. The stone wall. Ancient rock crumbled, something else crunched, and Xae howled.
“Xae!” I rushed to him, but Rath held up a hand and pushed me back.
“Come, my friend.” Rath put an arm around Xae's shoulders and led him into our suite. “Let's see to that hand before it heals wrong.”
I stared after them, my heart in my throat. He pushed me away. Rath had pushed me away.
Xae whimpered, and I fell to my knees. Something shattered inside me on impact. Not like Xae's knuckles, but just as painful. I had hurt the men I loved. For nothing. This was exactly what I'd been afraid of. And it was my fault. If I had only turned Jath away. If had just obeyed the rules. If I had told them the truth. If, if, if. But I didn't. I got carried away by . . . whatever I felt for Jath. It wasn't love. If it was, I would have formed a connection with him. I think. I still wasn't sure how it worked. But even without that confirmation, I knew I didn't love Jath. The men I loved were in that room, both of them hurting, one physically, both emotionally.
I bent my head into my hands and wept. It felt as if I'd gone somewhere I couldn't come back from. They had withdrawn from me. Because I had broken us. I had fucked up. Majorly fucked up. Now, they didn't want me anymore. I'd shown my true self, and I was a lecher. A betrayer. A liar. I hated myself. They must hate me as well. And Keltyr. Fuck, where was Kel? Did he hate me too?
“Get up, Ember,” someone said.
I sniffed and looked up. “Taroc?”
Taroc closed the door of the suite, my men not even noticing, then held a hand down to me. “We've had word of Keltyr.”
