“Where is he?” I grabbed Finn back. “Where did Kel go?”
“Up to his room, I think.” Finn frowned harder. “What's happened? He looked . . . I think he was crying. It was hard to tell with as wet as he was, but I heard him sniff.”
I let out a shuddering breath, tears springing to my eyes.
“Ember, tell me what happened!” Finn demanded.
“I can't,” I whispered as I raced for the stairs.
“Ember!”
“Thank you, Finn!” I called back to him as I climbed.
Kel. Oh, fuck, Kel. He must have gone back to the meadow to check on me when I hadn't returned right away. And if he had come back, he would have seen me with Jath. Images of Jath fucking me filled my head. I hadn't tried to stop him. No, I'd wanted it. Loved it. And Kel must have seen that. He must have seen everything. Did he hear us too?
“Fuck!” I cried and put on speed. I would have faded to his room if I wasn't afraid of fading into Kel.
Fuck me. It was bad enough that I'd fucked Jath and broken my agreement with my lovers, all for nothing. Jath wasn't going to join us. He'd been after sex, that's it. A scratch for his itch. He had used me. And for him, it had the bonus of making me feel like shit. Because I had wanted to be used by him. And that was awful. I had crossed a line that I swore never to cross. But Keltyr witnessing my weakness? That made it ten times worse. I hadn't just broken a rule; I'd broken Kel's heart.
“Shit.” I finally reached Kel's door and pounded on it.
It swung open under my fist.
“Kel?” I ventured inside.
There were wet footsteps on the stone floor. I followed them to the bathroom. A pile of wet clothes was in the sink but Keltyr wasn't there.
“Kel?” I swung around, searching the bedroom as if I might have walked past him. “What the fuck?”
He couldn't have gone back downstairs because Finn would have seen him. Or I would have on my way up. Where was he?
I left his room and saw Nex, striding down the hallway away from me.
“Nex!” I ran up to him. “Have you seen Keltyr?”
Nex snorted. “Ready to give him some at last?” Then my expression must have registered because his tone changed, and he asked, “What's happened?”
“I think I've upset Kel. And I can't find him.”
“Upset how?”
“Badly.”
“Fuck,” Nex growled. “He's not in his room?”
“No.”
“All right. You take the third and fourth floors, and I'll search the fifth and sixth. We'll meet up on the seventh.”
The seventh floor was mostly empty. It contained guest rooms and my suite.
“All right.” I raced up to the third floor.
It didn't take long to search the keep's upper levels. I ran up to the seventh when I was done, and Nex was already there, speaking with my lovers. When I saw them, I nearly faded somewhere else. I was so ashamed of what I'd done, and I knew I couldn't keep Jath a secret. That would be more than a broken rule. It would become a betrayal.
“Ember, what happened?” Rath asked when he saw me. “Nex says that Keltyr is missing.”
“I did something terrible,” I said breathlessly, still panting from my dash up the stairs. I didn't care that Nex was there. He was my friend. He wouldn't judge me. That much. And he'd probably find out about it anyway.
