“As if your anxieties aren't going to be worse?” Ira shot back. “I don't have a lot to worry about, but you guys just got released from the shittiest duty in all the Heavens. I should be telling you not to share.”
“Good point.”
“Shittiest duty?” Thad asked. “Does that make it dootie duty?”
Sam and Ira groaned.
“Well, we did disembowel people,” Bohel said.
“Gross!” Thad wrinkled his face at the Avenger. “TMI, dude!”
“What's TMI?” Bohel whispered to Ira.
“Too much information. It's a human saying.”
“We're here.” Azrael started to descend.
“What?” I looked down.
Sure enough, while the men had gone on and on about fear, we had passed over the mountains, averting their magic altogether. As we came in for a landing, the gargoyles perched atop the Devil's Gothic mansion shrieked greetings at us, their leathery wings rustling. I gave them a little roar back, and they bounced in delight, as they always did. I love bouncing gargoyles. However, the bats hanging from the black eaves weren't thrilled by all the ruckus and took flight in a dark swarm, heading for the Demon suburbs. I wove around them and ended up a foot away from one of the mansion's creepy, stained-glass windows. Jerking back, I grimaced at the depiction of Salome, who smiled beatifically as she held John the Baptist's severed head aloft. And that was one of the tamer windows.
We landed, and Bohel said, “Well, that was anticlimactic.”
“You're welcome.” Ira grinned, the movement making his gaunt face look even more emaciated.
“Distraction works every time.” Thaddeus strode up the creaking wood steps and knocked on the Devil's door. “Open up, Satan, the Antichrist is on your doorstep!”
As we joined Thad, the sound of footsteps came from inside the house and then the door was thrown open, the scent of cinnamon and sugar wafting out.
“My boys!” Lucifer opened his arms, his hands dusted with flour. He wore an apron that read;Can you smell what the Devil is cooking?
“Hey, Luke.” Thaddeus hugged him, then moved aside for Ira and Sam to have a turn.
The Devil left flour hand prints on their backs.
“You're using the apron I gave you!” Sam said. “I wasn't sure you'd get the Rock reference.”
Luke frowned. “What does it have to do with rocks?”
“Not rocks,theRock, Dad,” Az said. “He's an actor, but he used to be a wrestler and one of his most popular lines was, 'Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?'”
“Oh.” Lucifer frowned. “Oh! You mean Dwayne Johnson, the man in all those action movies?”
“Yes, Dad.” Azrael chuckled. “But never mind that. I've brought you some Angels who want to switch sides.”
“You boys are finally joining us?” Lucifer asked the Horsemen.
“Yep. And so are all of them.” The Antichrist jerked his thumb back at the Avengers.
“All of you?” Lucifer widened his eyes at them. “Aren't you the Angels who torture humans in Shehaquim?”
“Yes, Sir,” Gaviel said. “Your son said that you wouldn't require us to torture anyone.”
Lucifer's expression softened. “No. I don't force my people to do anything.” He stepped back and waved us inside, toward the dining room. “Come on in, all of you. I was just making cinnamon rolls. We can have a nice cup of tea while we wait for them to finish baking.”
The Avenging Angels exchanged wide-eyed looks, then stepped inside the warm, brightly decorated home, nodding at the Devil respectfully as he lured them into his dining room to ply them with tea and sweets. Oh, how nefarious. Bwahahaha.
The rest of us chuckled and followed them to the table, but Michael rushed ahead to swoop past Luke and make a beeline for the kitchen.
