“I don't think so. He's already tried that and failed. I think he'll come up with another option.”
“And?” Horus prompted.
“And maybe we could compel him to attack when and where we want him to,” Odin said with a nod at his son. “We just need to come up with something that will force Jehovah to act rashly.” He looked at Az, Luke, and Jesus. “What do you think would enrage him enough to make him forget his plans and attack us wherever we happened to be?”
Jesus glanced at Azrael before saying, “The thing that harshes the Man's mellow the most is Az getting the glory that he thinks is his.”
“Maybe we could build Azrael a monument or start a new business?” Re suggested.
“Or a church,” Kirill said.
Everyone at the table went still.
“Are you suggesting that I make a new religion?” Azrael asked.
“Vell, you do call yourself Faerie God.”
Azrael looked from Kirill to the rest of us. “I can't do that.”
“Sure you can,” Luke said. “It's easy. You don't even have to do much. People have started religions based on me without my consent or input. I mean, what's with the Latin thing? Satanists are always chanting in Latin. Why? Just because the Catholics do it? You'd think they'd want to be different. If they did their research, they'd know that Greek would be more appropriate for speaking to me. But no, it's always Latin and always soboring.” He rolled his eyes and slumped.
“Dad, enough about the Latin.”
“Sorry. I'm just trying to tell you that it's not that big a deal. Humans start new religions all the time.”
“No, they don't.”
“Sure, they do. Not all their new religions have gods in them but they're still religions. Or they recycle gods and do new versions of old religions.”
“True. There's that science one. The one Tom Cruise joined that made him jump on couches. Total headtrip.” Jesus nodded and took another bite of cookie—he'd finished two cookies already, as in four halves.
“I thought he jumped on the couch because of Katie whats-her-name?” Pan asked.
“Oooh.” The J-man nodded. “You could be right. But he did join that cult too.”
“You mean the one that kidnapped people and took all their money?” Pan asked.
“That doesn't exactly narrow it down,” Luke said dryly.
“Scientology,” Azrael said with a grimace.
“Yeah, that's it!” the J-man pointed at my husband. “See? You can do it too, Brother.”
“I'm not starting a new religion,” Azrael said. “It's hard enough to get humans to accept me without asking them to worship me.”
“Well, you kinda did it already,” Finn said.
“I wasn't myself!”
“All right, enough!” I held up my hands. “You don't have to make a new religion, Az. We just need to make Jerrythinkthat the humans are making a new religion based on you.”
Azrael blinked, then grinned. “You're right. We build a church, somewhere remote so we can keep humans away from the battle.”
“Then I go home and talk about attending your church's first service,” Jesus said. “That's a rad plan! Dad will send a whole sacred squadron of Angels.”
“Maybe more,” I muttered, thinking about the nine squadrons he'd sent to kill Azrael.
“I think we're ignoring an important detail.” Hades looked in my direction. He had his sunglasses on as usual and unlike Jesus's, I couldn't see through his, so I couldn't be completely sure that he was staring at me. But then he made it clear by saying, “The only one who's been able to stop the Apple Angel Gang is Vervain.”
