“Primo Mary J from the Devil's backyard.” Jesus held a cookie to his nose and took a deep sniff. “I think you should call it Satan's Glory. Or maybe Unholy Smokes.”
“Oh, I like that second one.” Luke did one of those rapid, yay claps. “Unholy Smokes it is.”
“I don't believe this,” Azrael muttered. “How long have you been growing marijuana?”
“Since Christianity first became a thing. I learned it from the prophets. They were all hash smokers. It helped them deal with Jerry.” Then he looked back at Mr. T. “But I'm sorry, I didn't bring enough for the whole class. My bad, as the kids say.”
“No problemo,” Jesus drawled as he broke his cookie in two, then broke the halves in two. Every time he broke one of the halves, it made two pieces that were the same size as the original. He soon had a pile of cookie halves in front of him. “There, that should be enough for everyone. Who wants a cookie?”
Torrent, the God of the Internet, started to raise his hand, but his girlfriend, Artemis, the Greek Goddess of the Hunt, pulled it back down. Meanwhile, Mr. T and Pan held up their hands.
“I'll get a plate before you get crumbs everywhere,” Kirill said as he got up and headed down to the opposite end of the hall, to the kitchen. As he went, he muttered about children and crumbs.
“Nice party trick,” Pan, aka Peter Pan, akathePan, aka the Greek God of the Wilds, said as he caught the cookie Jesus slid across the table to him.
“It comes in handy,” the J-man said. “Especially when you're down to your last bud.”
Mr. T looked at his wife while he took a bite of the cookie.
“He's still talking about weed,” she said.
Mr. T nodded sagely, then declared, “This is delicious, Luke!”
“Thank you.” Lucifer grinned. If you want to get on the Devil's good side, all you have to do is praise his baked goods.
“There's Hell weed in them?” Hades, the Greek God of the Underworld, asked as he tapped Brahma's shoulder and waved imperiously at the pile of cookies.
Brahma rolled his dark eyes, grabbed a couple of cookie halves, then handed one to Hades. Sarasvati, the Hindu Goddess of Music and Brahma's wife, lifted a brow at him. I thought it was in condemnation, but then he handed her his cookie, and she grinned victoriously. Brahma sighed and reached for another.
Torrent looked pleadingly at Artemis.
“Oh, all right,” Artie said.
“Sweet!”
“Literally,” Satan said.
That's when Kirill returned with the plate. He loaded the cookies onto the plate, swept up the crumbs with his hands, dusted those onto the plate, then slid the plate toward Torrent. Torr grinned at the pile of chocolate chip cookie halves, looking like a kid on Christmas morning. Correction, a kid on Halloween.
Artemis intercepted the plate, yanking it away from Torrent. She took one cookie half and handed it to Torr as she pushed the plate toward Finn. “Take a bite first. Just a bite. Then wait a few minutes to see if you like the way it makes you feel.” She started to hand it to him but pulled it back when he reached for it. “Just a small bite.”
“Yes, all right,” Torr huffed and took the cookie. “I'm not a child. I can handle a little marijuana.”
Artemis looked unconvinced.
Finn, a swan-shifter from the Celtic Pantheon, took three halves. He winked at me with an ivy-green eye and shoved an entire piece in his mouth while he pushed the plate toward me.
“No, thank you.” I passed the plate toward Thor and tried to get us back on track, “Jesus left the listening devices where they were so that we could use them against Jerry. If we feed him false information, and he reacts, it should prove that it was Jerry who put them there.”
“That's why we called you here,” Trevor said. “We need to come up with a plan. What can we leak to Jerry that will benefit us? If we do this right, we could score a huge win.”
“What we need to do is find out how many apples he has left,” Finn said with a slight Irish accent.
“Yes, but I don't think the bugs in Jesus's home will help with that,” Brahma said as he brushed crumbs off his silk tie.
“Let's just take a moment to think about this,” Thor said. “We know that Jehovah will be planning a new attack, but we don't know where he'll strike.”
“Probably the Golden Citadel,” Azrael said.
