“Open the case.”
I opened the slim box, revealing something smaller and sleeker than any gun I'd seen on TV, though with a similar shape.
“Pick it up.”
I carefully removed the disruptor and pointed the barrel away from both of us. “It's so light.”
“And practically undetectable. Keep it in your pocket. It won't go off accidentally.” He took it from me and set his pointer finger on the trigger. A green light blinked on the side of the barrel. “This means it's activated, but right now, it's only keyed to my DNA.” He touched the base of the grip with his thumb and that part lit up. “Here, place your finger where mine was.”
Konstantin held the device upside down for me, and I put my thumb over the glowing panel. It vibrated against me and the light turned green.
“There.” He handed it back to me. “Now, only you and I can use it.”
“I suppose that makes it safer.”
“Yes. You can be disarmed, but they can't use the weapon against you.”
“All right.” I put it back in its case, snapped it shut, then laid it on the bed. “You're acting as if you'll be gone for days.”
“I shouldn't be away for more than one, but I can't predict what will happen, so I want you to have this as well.” He pulled a cell phone out of his bag and handed it to me. “There's only one number in it—mine. Call me if you need to. Otherwise, I will call you tonight.”
“I won't be able to keep this with me. If Nikolay sees me with a phone, he'll be furious.”
“Then leave it in your room. I've put it on vibrate, so it will barely make a sound when I call. If I call you and you don't answer, I'll leave a message. Just return my call when you can.”
“Okay. Thank you, Kon.”
He took the phone and laid it on the bedside table before pulling me into his arms. “I love you, swanling. Be careful while I'm gone. Don't trust anyone.”
“Hurry back.” I kissed him, and we lingered over that small pleasure, our moans mingling. When the kiss ended, I made my vow again, “I love you, Konstantin.”
Kon smiled and brushed a finger over my bottom lip. “Almost.”
“What the fuck?!”
He chuckled as he headed to the door.
“Kon, you tell me what you mean by that right now! What is thisalmostbullshit?”
Konstantin paused with the door open and his voice dropped into a grim tone, “You know what it means, swanling. Don't get angry with me because it's true.”
Then he was gone.
“Fucking tiger!” I snarled.
Chapter Thirty-Four
With Konstantin gone, I had to remember what it was I did every day. Who I was without him. Right, I was a singer. And I could use some practice. But was that what I truly wanted to do? I stared at the disruptor—oh, come on, it's a gun—and the cellphone. Was I becoming what Konstantin wanted me to be? Had I gone from pleasing one man to another? And—probably for the first time—I don't mean that sexually.
Konstantin had shown me that I was more than what Niko had made me. I finally understood that I could be myself. That therewasa self under all that I'd become for Nikolay. But was I just trading one role for another?
“Great Balvoran, he's right,” I whispered. “Almost. I almost love him. I want to, but I can't love him until I love myself. And I can't love myself until I know who I am.” My hand clenched on the cellphone. “So who am I?”
I went into my dressing room and pulled on my black sable coat, then slipped the gun and phone into the inner pockets. Gloves were next, then the hood pulled up. With my hair swept back beneath the hood and the coat fastened, I looked like another person.
I nodded at the stranger in the mirror. “Nice to meet you at last, Mikhail.”
It should have felt silly, but instead, a profound sense of rightness overcame me. Perhaps even destiny. I had been loved once, truly loved. Being so young when I lost them, my memories were hazy, just flashes. I only remembered my parents' faces vaguely, but their love was unforgettable. Not just for me, but also for each other. There was laughter. Kisses. Music. My mother singing. I had one precious recollection of my father dancing with her, their feet moving on a cushion of air and their hair twining around them. Sweet Goddess, it had been a long time since I'd thought about all that. About their love.
