“Misha.” He eased me back up beside him. “Just lie here with me a while.”
“But you said you'd take me up on my offer.”
“I know, but I'm comfortable like this.”
“Are you . . .”
“Yes?”
“Don't you like sex?”
Konstantin chuckled. “I love sex. I especially love it with you, but your life has been so focused on it that sex has become as casual as breathing for you. It's not special anymore.”
“That's not true. It's special with you.”
“Thank you. I hope that it is, but there are other ways to be intimate with someone, other ways to show that you care. Every apology doesn't have to be made through a sexual act, nor does comfort have to end with a climax. We can be together without having sex and still feel fulfilled, even more so. I want to share that with you, teach you how to be loved.”
“How to be loved?” I whispered.
“Don't you like lying here with me?”
“Yes but . . .”
“Intimacy does not equate to intercourse. Sometimes, having sex with someone can even do the opposite and drive them away.”
“Drive them away?” I asked dubiously. In my experience, that was all a man wanted and so was the only way to keep them happy.
“You told me that you had never made love before.” Kon nestled my cheek before continuing, “So I know that somewhere inside you, you understand that this type of intimacy is far more important than sex. Yes, a couple needs passion; without it, their relationship is not romantic. But a love affair fueled by passion alone will eventually burn itself out. We've already proven that we have the passion. Now we need to work on the rest. This is the stuff that lasts, swanling. The real meat of a relationship. The food of love.”
“You mean, you want to get to know me?”
“I already know you. As much as I look forward to learning all the details of your life—the preferences and quirks that add nuances to who you are—I don't need to know them to know you. I see you, Misha, and I love what I see. Now, I want to be with you. Just lie here and talk to you. Listen to your voice. Watch your eyes slide over me. Feel your breath on my chest. Hold you close to my heart. I want to build something solid and special with you, something real. Is that okay?”
“Yes.” I nuzzled in against him again, this time with an odd sense of completion. Like an emotional orgasm. A satisfaction so perfect that I didn't need to shudder and scream it. All I needed was to hold onto him. “I love you, Konstantin.”
“Almost, swanling. Almost.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
I didn't ask Konstantin what he meant by thatalmost. But I thought about it until I fell asleep that night. Then I pondered it again the next morning. I was still thinking about it when he knocked on my door.
“Kon, you can't keep showing up at my room,” I whispered as I ducked my head out and searched the corridor.
“I'll be quick.” He pushed me inside and shut the door. “I'm about to leave for Kirvenia, but I can't go without knowing you'll be safe.” He pulled a black case out of his satchel and handed it to me. “I want you to have this while I'm gone. It's a molecular disruptor.”
“A gun!” I drew back in horror.
“Guns are human inventions, this is a beneather device.”
“Evenbeneather devicescan be used against their wielders. Just as a human gun can be stolen with air magic, so can that. Your disruptor won't protect me.”
“It will if you're prepared to use it.” He set the case in my hand. “Carry it on you. If you feel threatened, aim and activate. It's even easier to use than those human weapons you compared it to. And no one survives the blast of a disruptor.”
“I can't kill someone, Kon.”
“Yes, swanling, you can. You can and you will if you have to, do you hear me?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
