“Should we be afraid?”
“What is the King doing to protect us?”
“These murders are not random!” Konstantin shouted over the din. “The killer is targeting people for a reason; the victims were all connected. Now, unless you are also connected to the victims, you have nothing to worry about.”
“We're all connected!” someone shouted. “They were a part of the court.”
“I mean, connected in a way that will get you killed!” Kon shouted back.
“Well, how are we to know what that is?”
“If you are connected to this, you'll know it. In which case, I recommend that you speak to me privately. I will ensure your safety.”
The courtiers muttered but moved aside when Kon stepped forward. I followed him through the breach, then down a corridor, his long strides forcing me into a faster pace. Halfway to his quarters, he snatched my wrist and yanked me into a window alcove. After he drew the heavy drapes shut to hide us, he pulled me into his arms.
It was only then that I noticed how fast he was breathing and how he trembled.
“You could have been killed,” Konstantin whispered. He pushed me back, holding me by my upper arms, to repeat, “You could have been killed, Misha!”
“I know. I'm sorry.”
He lowered his forehead to mine, his breaths still rough. “Thinking about how close you came to the killer . . . fuck, baby. It terrifies me.”
I went back into his embrace, rubbing my cheek against his chest. It was completely inappropriate—a man was dead, for fuck's sake—and it was wrong of me to find pleasure in my lover's fear, but I liked that Konstantin was scared for me. I couldn't remember if Nikolay had ever shown worry for me. Concern, yes, but that always felt a bit theatrical. This was real. The way Konstantin's heart pounded against my cheek. The way his hands clenched on my back. The way his breath hit my forehead. He was afraid. For me. And, yes, damn it, it felt good.
“I'm sorry I scared you. I will be more cautious in the future,” I whispered and nuzzled closer. “Let me make it up to you.” My hand went to his belt, and I started to kneel.
Kon grabbed my wrist. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I flinched away from him. “I thought you'd like it.”
“I'm scared for you so you think you should suck my dick?” He shook his head at me. “Is that whathetaught you? That whenever you do something he doesn't like, you have to get him off?”
My breath caught. I couldn't speak, just stared at him.
“Fuck, Mikhail.” Kon cupped my face in his hands. “That is not what I want from you right now.”
“Then what do you want?”
“What do I want?! I want you to be safe. I want to hold you until my body realizes that you're okay. That I haven't lost you. I want you to be more careful and never risk yourself like that again. That's what I want.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?” Konstantin let out a strange laugh and pulled me back into his arms. “Swanling, you have a long way to go, don't you? But I'll be with you every step. It will be all right.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“No, you don't.” He bent his head over mine and stroked my hair. “And that makes me sad and angry and fucking frustrated, but I can't explain it to you. Words won't work this time. You're going to have to come to it on your own. But I will say one thing with the hope that you understand it soon—you are mine, but I am also yours. We are in this lovetogether, owning each other. This makes neither of us property. Love does not enslave, it frees.”
I stared at him for the space of several heartbeats, drawing his beautiful words into my heart even though I didn't agree with them. I wanted to agree, but I knew that every relationship has a dominant partner, especially sexual relationships. Someone had to be in control, just like a king with his kingdom. Without that control, it was anarchy. I was okay with being the follower; it was so much easier than leading. So, as much as I treasured his intent, his words didn't change anything. Yes, I believed he was mine, and I thanked the Gods for it, but my claim on him was different from his on me. I owned his desire and his heart while he owned much more than that—my entire body and life. But I couldn't tell him that. My words wouldn't work on him either.
Instead, I asked, “So, I shouldn't offer you oral sex?”
Konstantin burst out laughing, then abruptly cut himself off and peeped through the curtains. He let them go with a much softer chuckle. “This isn't the best spot for this conversation, but I couldn't make it back to my chambers without holding you.”
“Good. I wanted to be held.” Then I realized what Andrei's death meant for us, and I gripped his shoulder as a wave of despondency suddenly rushed through me. “We were so close. I was certain he was the killer.”
“I know. I was too, but we've been proven wrong.”
