“I'm fine. He didn't do anything unusual.”
“Isn't a sleepover unusual?”
“Yes, though they've been happening more and more recently. I think this one was prompted by my attempt to dissuade him.”
“Dissuade him?”
“I told him I was too tired for sex.”
Konstantin's gentle expression shifted violently. “Did he force you?”
“No.” I held up my hand. “He reminded me of my duties as his consort, and I fulfilled them.”
“Youfulfilledthem?” Kon snarled. “That sounds as if he forced you.”
“Kon, stop. I know this is upsetting for you, and I'm glad that you care, but I've told you before; I'm his. I have no rights where he is concerned. I tried to deny him, and he insisted. That does not make it rape.”
“Did you want to have sex with him?”
“No, of course not. I only want to be with you.”
Konstantin's scowl softened. “I only want to be with you too. But, Misha, having sex with someone after they tell you no is rape. It may not have been a violent attack, but it was still against your will.”
“He is the King. His will is my will. By law, it was not rape.”
“I don't give a fuck what your laws say.”
“Says a Garin,” I muttered. “Look, this is the way it is right now. Your anger is sweet, but you're making this harder on me. Did I feel betrayed that he insisted on sex even after I said I didn't want to? Yes, of course. Was I upset because I thought he cared more for me than that? Absolutely. But it tore away the mask of love he's been wearing and gave me a glimpse of the man beneath. I know now that he doesn't love me at all. He doesn't even care much for me, not beyond having me in his bed. And there's freedom in that, Kon. I feel no guilt for betraying him with you. Nor will I when I leave him.”
“I just can't stand the thought of you submitting to him,” Konstantin whispered.
“Would it be better if I went to him eagerly?”
Kon grimaced. “Fair point, but in a way, it would be. At least then you would enjoy it.”
“Whether I wanted to have sex with him or not, it wasn't torture. It's just the use of my body. And now it's over.”
“Until tonight.”
“I'm sorry that I can't be faithful to you.” I slid my arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I hope that knowing how much I want to be is enough.”
“It's not about you being unfaithful. It's the fact that you don't want to be with him and there's nothing I can do to stop him from taking you. I feel helpless, Misha. I feel as if I'm failing you.”
“You're not. We just have to make it through this investigation and then—oh, shit! I completely forgot!”
“What?”
I stepped back and told him about Kira.
“This just happened?” he demanded.
“Yes.”
“Then we need to go now!” Kon started pulling me toward the door.
“Can't I change first?”
“Mikhail, if that maid knows, someone else may as well. It's only a matter of time before they go looking.”
