Just in time too.
Nikolay reached around my thigh and took hold of my cock as he slammed into me. He didn't do it to give me pleasure, just to verify that I was hard for him, then he returned his grip to my hip. Reassured of his virility, he sped up, his harsh breaths becoming grunts, and soon, he found his release.
Niko never noticed that his dick wasn't the first to enter me that day. That Konstantin had planted his seed deeper and with such bounty that Niko's began to seep out as soon as his cock withdrew. With some satisfaction, I felt it dripping down my thigh. As if that piece of Kon inside me were guarding its territory. I smiled viciously to myself.
“That was a good start,” Nikolay said as he climbed up on the bed and settled against the headboard, legs spread and hand going straight to his cock—it was already hardening. “Now get up here and serve your king, Consort.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
As I went through the motions with Niko, the anger and betrayal I felt drained away. I didn't feel sorrow or fear or even hatred. The sex wasn't bad, he just wasn't the man I wanted to be having it with. And he was Niko. I knew his body, knew the touch of his hands and how to touch him. It was almost routine for me to follow his commands. But amid all that mundanity, that tedious grunting and grasping, I had a revelation.
I started to discover who I really was.
Bouncing atop Niko, his beautiful face twisting with ecstasy, I realized that he wasn't the only one I didn't know. I wasn't becoming a new man, I was becomingme. Learning who I was. Of course, I hadn't recognized myself when I stood up to him; I had never known myself. My entire life had been about him. Clinging to the safety he offered me as a child, then clinging to the promise of love that he offered me as an adult—a promise he never fulfilled. He was right; as his consort, my duty was to keep him satisfied. And that was all my life had been about. Niko's pleasure. Niko's needs. Niko's commands. I had said the words he wanted to hear, behaved in the way he wanted me to behave, even enjoyed the things he wanted me to enjoy. I was his creation.
The Swan King had woven a tale of romance for Konstantin, telling him that he'd fallen in love with me while watching me grow. In actuality, he had raised his perfect lover, molding me from a young age into the man he wanted me to be. I had played a part, just as he did with everyone, just as he'd taught me to do. The only place I'd ever felt like myself was onstage and even then, I pretended to be someone else, and I rarely enjoyed myself.
At last, I was becoming Mikhail.
So, no, I wasn't afraid anymore, nor did I hate Niko for what he'd done and was continuing to do to me. He was still the man who had saved my life. Yes, he'd also taken control of it and made me into what he wanted, but I was alive and safe because of him. And he was a king, perhaps he was as trapped in his roles as I was. I couldn't hate him now that I was free.
The problem was; I wasn't entirely free.
I still belonged to Niko and until Kon and I found the killer, there was nothing we could do about that. The Swan King had the right to take any of his subjects as his consort. It was our law. And, as he had so cruelly said to Konstantin that first night, I was his property. We all were. If I were a common Larch, I could leave, but Nikolay Lebedev had claimed me. If I left now, it would be treason. I wouldn't be entirely free until the Swan King released me.
So, I would continue to play the role Niko had cast me in until Konstantin and I could find the murderer. Then the Larch King would be forced to free me. Andthen, I could fully become Mikhail.
“Come here, Misha.” Niko tucked me in against him, much as Konstantin had earlier, but there was no worship in his hands when he pulled me close, only greed. Always greed.
I nestled in against Niko anyway and wrapped an arm over his waist, satisfied with the thought that this was temporary. That one way or another, I would be free of this man someday.
“I love you, Misha.”
“I love you too, Your Majesty.”
Did Niko notice that I used his title to distance myself? He didn't seem to. Or if he did, he didn't care. He kissed my forehead and went to sleep, his expression peaceful.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The next morning, I had an awkward breakfast with Niko, then went back to my room. Timur was not there. Kon, however, was standing outside my door.
“You can't keep showing up here,” I whispered even as I smiled. Just seeing him made the night with Niko vanish.
“Good morning, Lord Mikhail,” Konstantin said as a servant came down the hall. “I wanted to search Lady Milana's room today, and it's on this floor, so I thought I'd just meet you here and save you the trip downstairs.”
“Ah, very good. Won't you come in while I get changed? I've been with the King all night.”
Kon's face twitched, but he managed to nod. “Of course.”
“Good morning, Kira,” I said to the maid as she passed by.
“Good morning, Lord Mikhail.”
I was about to enter my bedroom when Kira lowered her voice to say, “Lady Milana had a secret place where she stashed important things. I'm not sure where it is exactly, but it's somewhere in her bedchambers.”
I gaped at Kira, but she was already moving on. Of all things, my stare caught on a small white feather that she had pinned in her hair. What an odd decoration. But I was too shocked by what she'd said to dwell on it. Instead, I hurried into my room, intending to tell Kon about Milana's possible hiding place. But as soon as I closed the door, he grabbed me and pulled me into a passionate kiss. He lifted me off the floor, bringing me closer to his height, then ended the kiss by sliding me down his body. By the time my feet hit the floor, I'd forgotten what I was going to tell him.
“Are you all right?” Konstantin asked, his hand smoothing my hair back from my face.
