“If you ever want to see them again, you must,” Rusalla said urgently. “Your freedom and his love are intertwined.” She stared at me hard. “But you know that already, don't you?”
I grimaced at her.
Rusalla chuckled and sipped her wine. “I'm worried for no reason. You will hand him your heart yourself. And it will soften his.”
“No, I won't.”
“I warned you—Braxis is a compelling man. And he's a good man. You will see that soon enough and then he will win you. I pray that it will be enough to set the ghosts of our dead to rest.”
“Ghosts?” I asked.
“We are not that primitive.” She waved away my skeptic look. “I meant our memories of our dead. They haunt us and demand justice. This ship is full of haunted men, Amaranthine. And only one of them can give you redemption.”
“If I forgive him first,” I muttered.
“What will it cost you that you are unwilling to pay?” Rusalla asked shrewdly.
We both knew the answer to that but I refused to say it aloud. I wouldn't have had the chance anyway. Directly following her question, Braxis strode into the room.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Everything I had just learned about Braxis took an immediate effect as soon as I saw him. His colors had changed for me—not the shades but the way I interpreted them. The manner in which I viewed him had shifted. Suddenly, he was less villain and more hero. I've learned enough about heroes to know that they could be found in the most unlikely places and at the most unlikely times. And I had just found one. But the question was, would his heroism be enough to counter his villainy? I stared at Braxis and let this fresh image sink in. Braxis stared back at me as if he sensed the magnitude of what was happening.
“I was... concerned for you,” Braxis finally said. His stare shifted to Rusalla. “Thank you for looking after her.”
“She had some difficulties before she reached me,” Rusalla started to tell Braxis about Granelt.
“It's fine,” I said pointedly to her. I looked at Braxis to add, “I'm fine.” I stood up. “I'm ready to go now. It was lovely talking to you, Rusalla. Thank you for your help.”
“Youmusttell him.” Rusalla got to her feet as well.
“Tell me what?” Braxis snarled.
I sighed deeply. “It's nothing. I handled it.”
Rusalla snorted. “You ran and I sheltered you.”
“Rusalla, please, leave it be,” I said crisply.
Braxis looked at Rusalla and demanded, “Tell me.”
“Granelt found Amaranthine before I did. She didn't tell me what he did to her but I imagine it wasn't respectful of her status as your dvarra.”
Braxis' eyes flashed red as he swung his head to face me. “What did he do?”
“Could we just go, please?” I asked calmly.
Braxis made a growling, rumbling sound and lurched forward. He scooped me up, tossed me over his shoulder, and left Rusalla's room. My hair fell to block my view but it hardly mattered since most of what I would see would be the floor. I heard deep male laughter as we passed other warriors and some even offered suggestions on what their chief should do with me once he reached his rooms. Braxis said nothing and neither did I. The ride on his shoulder wasn't the least bit comfortable—his bones dug into my belly in a way that might have left bruises if I hadn't been who I was—but it was preferable to facing him when he was like this.
All of the things Rusalla had said were replaying in my mind. How Braxis was obsessed with me. How only I could soften his heart again. Part of me scoffed at such romanticism but another part blossomed in hope. It's always difficult when you realize that your enemy is just a person like you—that they can hurt and fear and dream of better things. That they could be someone you could care about. I didn't want to see Braxis as the hero because what would that make me? And what kind of hero did the things he had done?
Real ones.
Heroes aren't gods and even if they were, I imagine that they'd still have faults. Heroes were simply people who stood up for those who couldn't defend themselves. People who took a harder path because they knew it was the right one. Braxis had taken that difficult path and he'd hurt me along the way but, if Rusalla was to be trusted, I had hurt him just as badly. I had broken his mind and instigated his mad obsession with me. I suppose it was time for me to take responsibility for my part in bringing us to this point.
Braxis finally reached his suite and set me down on my feet. He shut the door and turned to face me with a grim and determined expression.
“No.” I held up a hand. “I—”
