“Perhaps Lucifer's father was like that, but he's more reasonable.”
“Is he now?” Rusalla chuckled mirthlessly. “Was he reasonable when he forced us to send ten of our people to Abbadon every year in exchange for keeping Reaksar free of dukes?”
“It was a type of bargain, wasn't it? A bargain you say the Starsienes don't make.” I lifted a brow at her. “Your people weren't hurt or enslaved. They became citizens of Abbadon.”
“Citizens?” She scoffed. “Do you truly think the real citizens of Abbadon welcomed them? Do you think my people were happy there?”
I sighed. “I don't know. I'm not a Bleiten. I can argue for either side and Idosee your side of it, Rusalla, but I don't have the knowledge needed to pass judgment.”
“The fact is that the lives of my people would have been much easier if Lucifer had consented to share the advances of Hell with us—more than just medical supplies and lantras. We never asked to be given anything, we would have gladly traded for them, but he refused. He kept us beneath his heel and Braxis fought to shake him off. Yes, he had to resort to some devious schemes in his pursuit of that freedom but, as you said, it was war of a sort. He fought so hard for us, for so many years, and then you came and knocked us down with nothing more than color.” She took a shaking breath and held a hand to her glistening eyes. She blinked the tears back before they fell. “My son was among those who died that day.”
“Oh, sweet stars,” I whispered as my eyes welled. “I'm so sorry. I... words fail me and they never fail me. Please know that I deeply regret your loss.”
Rusalla sniffed and nodded. “There were many sons lost that day. Many brothers and fathers who fought for the freedom of their families. You took that from them—the right to fight and die nobly. You made their deaths into something dishonorable—shameful.”
Shameful—the word echoed in my mind. That was why he wanted to humiliate me. Braxis believed that I had shamed his brothers. Shamed in the midst of battle. That had to be a bitter pill for a Bleiten to swallow.
“When Braxis returned that day, he was another man,” Rusalla continued sorrowfully. “He was broken in so many ways, not the least of which was his mind.” She grimaced when she saw my look. “Yes, I know he went mad. Rage consumed him and drove him into madness. And instead of unleashing it on his people, he focused all of that insanity on you. But that is falling behind him now. Time has helped him heal and he is starting to think more clearly. I believe he clings to his vengeance now because it's expected of him. His men left their home to follow him and he promised them justice. Braxis must deliver on his promises or he will lose them. But justice can be interpreted in many ways.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I didn't want Braxis to stop being my enemy. I didn't want to see the man beneath my nightmare. I certainly didn't want to know that I had helped make him into what he was. But facts were facts and somewhere deep inside, I had already known that my actions had changed Braxis. That I was partially responsible for my plight.
“Look at me!” Rusalla demanded.
I opened my eyes and met her stare.
“If you want to be forgiven, you must first forgive.”
I gaped at her. My breath left me on a wounded rush. Braxis had done some truly horrible things. He'd tried to trick me, assassinate me, rape me, and enslave me. But what I had done was no less wrong and I had done it to many people.Hispeople.
“You're right,” I finally admitted. “I've separated what we've done to each other. I feel regret for my actions and so I asked for forgiveness all while I've refused to look past what he has done to me. That's not fair.”
Rusalla sat back with a small smile. “We all love and hate and cry out for justice, Amaranthine. But we need forgiveness as well.”
“But Braxis is still hurting me,” I argued. “How can I forgive what he's done in the past when he continues to hurt me in the present?”
“That is difficult, isn't it?” She asked with a challenge in her voice. “But perhaps if you forgave him first, without being asked to, it might be enough to make him want to be forgiven.”
I sat there silently and processed.
“He was a kind boy,” Rusalla said softly.
I looked up at her.
“When Braxis was little,” she clarified. “He was the child who gathered wounded things—birds and kittens and the like—and healed them. Then he came into his manhood and learned that his size could be used to protect or hurt. He chose to protect and he began to gather wounded people behind the shield of his body. Braxis had such a big heart and he was also brave enough to stare into darkness—to look horror in the face and confront it. He saw what hurt people and he strove to stop their pain. I always knew he would lead us one day. I thought he would have a strong woman beside him when he did. Someone to love him as much as he could love her and give him beautiful children to guide and protect.” She looked me up and down. “You are not what I envisioned.”
I let out a surprised bark of laughter. “Well, let me just put your mind to rest; I will not be mating Braxis or giving him children.”
“Not if you keep pushing him away,” Rusalla chided. She got up and went to pour herself a glass of wine. She swigged back half the glass before she returned to her seat and our conversation. “The darkness he confronted took its toll eventually but he never lost his kind heart. He hid it beneath armor and blood and brashness but it never hardened. Not until you. Now, Amaranthine Starsiene, you must be the one to soften his heart. Give me back the boy I love!”
“I can't,” I whispered. “Even if I wanted to do as you ask, I love my men too much to betray them.”
“Betray them?” she scoffed. “You are in a Faulin Fusion that demands many men. You can take another without betraying anyone.”
“Perhaps if that man were someone other than Braxis, yes,” I argued. “But not him. They will never accept him.”
“They will if you do,” Rusalla insisted.
“It doesn't matter,” I grumbled. The argument was getting ridiculous. “I'm here. Braxis has taken me from them. And that's one thing that I don't think I can forgive.”
