“And then I would rise up and thrust my cock into you.” He stilled his hand and started using his hips to pump his cock through his fist. “I want to feel your sex holding me, milking me.”
“No,” my voice was the barest trace of sound. I brought my hands back to his chest but this time, it was to push him away.
A primal sound rumbled from Braxis as he leaned even closer to whisper, “Imagine me pushing into you—stretching you as I entered. Think of the way my body would feel slapping against yours as my cock slammed into your wet channel.”
“Stop it, Braxis.” I pushed harder.
“Imagine how I would suck at your breasts while I joined our bodies. And how your little nub would drag along my cock with every thrust. I'd stop to suck at it until you screamed your climax for me and then I'd go back to fucking you. Hard and deep. And you would beg, Amara. You would sweetly beg me to give you more. To fill your mouth and hands and ass. And I would give you everything you desired.”
“No!” I finally screamed.
Braxis bared his teeth at me, his fangs glinting in the low light. “Touch me as if I'm your lover.”
I shook my head, my breath coming faster.
“You gave me your word.”
“Please, Braxis. You...”
“Do it,” he growled.
I clenched my jaw and softened my touch. I swiped my hands over Braxis' chest and down his biceps. I drew them back up to knead his shoulders and then, finally, to cup his face in my hands. Something shivered in his stare as it latched onto mine. His breath caught. I ran my thumb over his pouting bottom lip, then slipped it into his mouth. Braxis sucked on my finger as his eyes closed in bliss.
Seconds later, Braxis flung his head back with a roaring shout—a feral sound of release and possession—and hot cum lashed my thighs. I shuddered as it dripped over me—warm, thick, and wet. Braxis rolled onto his side with a relieved groan and collapsed onto the bed. I started to move away but his arm swung out and his hand landed on my thigh—right over his seed. He rubbed it into my skin with a rumbling purr of satisfaction.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Later that night, I slid free of Braxis' embrace and crawled out of bed. I'd been dreaming of Malik and woke with an ache in my chest. He had stared at me with such sadness, such utter disappointment, that he didn't have to utter a single word. I knew what he thought of my bargain with Braxis—he would have preferred to exist in the fear of not knowing rather than have me do what I'd done with Braxis. I had been wrong; it hadn't been worth it.
I knew it was only my conscience creating the dream but that was telling too. I had gone too far, got caught up in the game, and done things I shouldn't have. Things that my men might view as a betrayal. My heart certainly did. I should never have touched him like that. Should never have slipped my thumb into his mouth. It was stupid and so fucking dangerous. He could have easily lost control and raped me. Maybe I wasn't strong enough to play this game after all. Maybe I wasn't the woman I believed myself to be.
I went to the closet and opened it. There was the pile of Braxis' armor and lying beneath it, Malik's clothes. I carefully withdrew a tunic from the pile and lifted it to my nose. I sighed in relief. The shirt still held Malik's scent—exotic and sultry, like incense burning on a steamy summer night. I breathed deeply and sank to the floor with a sob.
I had lost that round, that was clear. Braxis had gotten the better of me but I knew I couldn't let this keep me down. I would have to get past my mistake and forgive myself so I could get home to my men and ask for their forgiveness as well. I had to keep playing the game. But it was all so dangerous and complicated that my mind was going numb from it. I couldn't be strong a second longer. I needed to fall apart so I could face tomorrow—let out my pain and self-loathing so I could get back into the fight with renewed strength and resolve.
So, there, in the dark, with only the occasional blur of a passing star to threaten the oblivion, I buried my face in Malik's shirt and bawled like a child. The fabric muffled the sound and soaked up my tears. No one had to know how much it hurt me to be torn from my home and those I loved. No one had to see me fall apart from humiliation and fear. No one had to hear my heart break. I would let it all out there, on the floor of a room where I'd once been happy with my husband. Where we had fought and fucked and loved so vibrantly that we believed we were untouchable.
But there I was, in that same room, on his ship, hurtling through space away from him after baring my body to another man.
I pulled my knees in tighter and curled around Mal's tunic as if it were him. He was likely losing his mind right now despite the message I had paid so dearly to send. All of them were. And there was nothing I could do about it. No, therewassomething—I could pull myself together and get back to the plan. I had done a horrible thing but giving up would only make it worse. I may not be human, but I make mistakes just like every human does. The truth of a person's character is revealed in what they did to right their wrongs.
I would use my failure to my advantage—use this mistake to lure Braxis closer to me and capture his heart as he had captured my body. If my men knew what I had done and planned to do, they'd be furious. Well, maybe Cyprian would understand, but definitely not Malik. He was going to tear Braxis apart if he ever found us. But that was looking less and less likely. I would have to save myself this time and if I lost part of my soul in the process, well, that had already happened and I had survived. I would survive Braxis as well.
A warm hand settled on my shoulder, and I jerked away.
“Shh, now,” Braxis whispered as he slipped his hand into mine. “Come here, little one.” He settled on the floor beside me and pulled me onto his lap, then wrapped his arms around me. He tucked my head in against his chest and started to rock me like a child. “It will be all right. Shh.”
“I...” I choked on my tears. “I shouldn't have touched you like that. I betrayed them.”
“Shh,” he cooed softly again. “You did it to help them. You fed my desire to stop me from taking your body—we both know that. I swear to you that if I was in Malik's place, I would not see it as a betrayal.”
“Betrayal or not, he will be furious.”
I started to cry again; I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried because I wanted to believe Braxis and because I couldn't. This wasn't the first time I had betrayed Malik. I'd done something similar with Everan when he had captured me.
Dear Gods, history was repeating itself.
It seemed as if all a man had to do was kidnap me and I would succumb to him. No... no! Everan had been different. Danu had recognized his claim and had given him control over me. Everan had taken that to mean that we were fated and set about to convince me of it too. And what had I done? Exactly what I was planning to do now; I had tried to make Ever fall in love with me so he'd release my magic and I could go home. The situations were so similar but it was the differences that turned my stomach. With Everan, Danu had heightened my arousal to compel me to accept him—a sort of magical roofie. But Danu hadn't made me accept Braxis' bargain. She hadn't compelled me to touch him as if he were my lover. That was my fault. Not the Silver Tongue's, not Braxis', but mine.
