My gaze dropped to his immediately.
“Not just my face, pretty pixie,” his tone mellowed. “Look at my body. Look at me working my cock for you.Reallylook and allow yourself to enjoy watching me.”
My body instantly relaxed and my mind went a little fuzzy. All of my fear disappeared as my stare dropped to his aggressive member. Its tip was flushed a deep rose and glistened from my saliva. I glimpsed a pulsing vein at its base, revealed with every strong stroke of Braxis' warrior hand. Below, his heavy sacs tightened in anticipation. My breasts suddenly ached in arousal and my thighs clenched around my pulsing sex.
“That's it,” he whispered. “Watch me work myself and know that it was you who did this to me. Know that the sight of you touching your beasts further magnifies my pleasure. Now, drop a hand to that sweet pussy and give yourself some pleasure too.”
I shivered as one of my hands moved to my sex and started to rub. I was already wet and my finger glided over my sensitive nub. I cried out, just a soft sound, but Braxis groaned deeply to hear it. I watched with panting breaths as he rubbed his thumb into the slit at the tip of his cock, the rest of his fingers squeezing mercilessly. My body wept, wanting more than I was giving it.
“Slide a finger inside yourself,” Braxis ordered. “Imagine it's my cock driving deep into your body.”
I did as he said and my whole body shook as the image of Braxis lying between my legs rose in my mind. My finger became his cock and I gave a quaking cry as it pierced me.
“That's it. See me above you. Imagine me kissing you, our tongues twining as I thrust into you over and over. So deep. Feel me there, Amara. Feel me taking you.”
I closed my eyes and saw Braxis above me—felthim inside me. And it was sheer bliss. I pumped my hips forward to accept more of him and squeezed my nipple until it was nearly painful. I angled my thumb to rub against my clit as I continued to thrust a finger inside myself. I knew it was me doing those things but it was also Braxis slamming into me and his thumb rubbing my swollen bud. My thighs tensed as my orgasm approached.
“Oh, Gods!” Braxis cried. “Oh, sweet Essalea! Yes, pretty pixie, just like that. You're so fucking beautiful.”
My mind suddenly screamed a denial and my thoughts cleared. My eyes shot open in horror.
“Fuck!” Braxis roared. Then he commanded, “Look at me, Amara!”
I looked at him.
“I could love you if you let me,” he said softly, the words and tone in sharp contrast to his ferocious body.
As I gaped at him, Chief Braxis Fengoth, my most fearsome enemy, came violently.
Chapter Thirty
As soon as Braxis came, I shot off the bed and ran into the bathroom. The horror of what he'd just made me do washed over me in full force. I rushed straight to the toilet, crumpled to my knees, and was violently ill. I heard Braxis come up behind me but he didn't say anything and I was too busy retching to look at him. By the time I stumbled to my feet, he was gone and I was grateful for that. I rinsed out my mouth, then got into the shower. I violently scrubbed at my body, furious with it for being aroused by Braxis, and then stood beneath the hot spray with my hands pressed against the slick wall and my head hanging low. Water pushed my hair down around my face and filled my ears. I let out a low, gut-wrenching sob.
Braxis hadn't raped me; I should be relieved. But what he did do had coaxed things out of me that I didn't even know were there. He'd made me face the fact that even though he was my enemy, I could be aroused by him. He'd made me complicit in the betrayal of my men. And he'd nearly made me come.
I knew it wasn't my fault. I have a very practical mind and I could easily reason that neither my body nor my mind had been under my control and therefore, I was not responsible for what I did or felt. But reason didn't take away the awful ache inside—this sinister suggestion that I had wanted it. Wanted him. I hadn't. Of course not. But Braxis had made me enjoy watching him and that was playing a torturous mind game with me.
“Which is exactly what he wanted,” I muttered to myself. “He's fucking with my mind and my body. Well, I won't let him win. I won't let him break me. I touched myself and watched him masturbate, that's it. So what? He didn't invade my body. He didn't even kiss me. I'm okay. I'm alive and I'm going to get through this.”
At least he hadn't raped me. Granted, he had come very close, and by forcing me to do those things to myself—to share in his masturbation—he'd turned something that should have been erotic and beautiful into something base and ugly. But he hadn't raped me and that was still something to be grateful for. He could have done much worse but hadn't. And why didn't he? Maybe it was my words or maybe there was a speck of honor inside him. I grimaced. Braxis may be insane but hewashonorable in his own twisted way. It was his honor that had started this war between us.
I lifted my head suddenly in revelation. “Maybe his honor can stop it.”
Braxis had been deeply affected by my apology—that much was clear. And when I told him that I didn't want him, that had affected him too. Had he seriously thought there was something real between us? That I might actuallywantto be with him? During these months in exile, had his mind twisted his memories of me until he saw something that wasn't there? He was certainly crazy enough for it. Or was he? Was he truly a madman or was he simply a warrior trying to avenge his people? Yes, he'd taken things too far with me but that was colored by his lust. He wanted me and my actions had given him the excuse he needed to take me. So, what if I took that excuse away? I'd already apologized, what else could I do to assuage his anger? To make him see me as honorable too?
If this was even about justice anymore.
I turned off the water and dried off with a new determination squaring my shoulders. I had to find a way back to the men I loved and I had to do it fast. If I didn't return to Danu soon, there might not be a Danu to return to. I had just been thrust onto a battlefield naked, without armor or weapons. But, as Braxis had so furiously pointed out, my words were a type of weapon and I excelled at languages. Unfortunately, I wasn't the best when it came to psychology. I had taken a class at Yale but decided it wasn't for me. I'm simply not a people person.
I tried to remember that class as I stared at myself in the fog-free mirror, absently noting the superiority of Bleiten technology—they even made bathroom mirrors better. But back to the Braxis issue. From what I recalled—and I have a very good memory—there are two types of personality tests. There is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator but its results are inconsistent. Most scientists favor the Big Five Inventory which describes a personality by how high or low someone ranks on five non-overlapping personality traits.
If we went with the Big Five, I should be able to judge Braxis based on five major personality traits: openness to experience (including intellectual curiosity and creativity), conscientiousness (organization, productivity, and responsibility), extroversion (sociability, assertiveness, and its opposite—introversion), agreeableness (compassion, respect, and trust), and neuroticism (tendencies toward anxiety and depression). Everyone is supposed to feature each of these five traits to some degree in their personality and it's those collective degrees that determine a personality type.
I know. I know. I'm getting technical and this probably sounds ridiculous but focusing on something intellectual and viewing Braxis as a problem to be fixed was helping to clear my head and calm me down. It helped me think with cold rationality and that was exactly what I needed. So, bear with me.
These types of personality tests usually require several questions to be answered by the subject and that wasn't going to happen, but I could still do a rough assessment based upon what I knew about Braxis. First, let's go with the obvious; he was definitely an extrovert and would rank high on that scale. The mere fact that he was Chief confirmed that. As far as neuroticism, there were issues there but they weren't the sort to hold him back from his goals. Even in this high-anxiety situation, where Braxis was on the run from the Horde of Hell and responsible for a large group of warriors, he wasn't worried. Instead of hiding from the Bleiten, he had made the bold move of teaming up with a Triari who was also on the lam. And then he abducted the Prince of Hell's mvarra. No, he wasn't neurotic. Insane in other ways perhaps, but not neurotic.
Now for agreeableness. That was a little harder to rate. Braxis was an in-your-face alpha—aggressive to the point of being belligerent—but was he compassionate, respectful, and trusting? Maybe to the people who had earned those things from him. I'd have to give him a neutral score since I just couldn't be certain. But then there's conscientiousness to consider and I believe he'd score high on that scale. Braxis was steadfast in his loyalty to his tribe—if not the Bleiten people as a whole—as steadfast as he was in avenging them. The last trait is openness to experience and that's where he'd likely score lowest. From what I could tell, he was not a creative man nor one looking to expand his horizons through literature and the arts. Braxis was a warrior. The dominating male who values an orderly world where each strike against you could be countered.
