Karni Mata, the Hindu Goddess of Rats, cleared her throat. It had no effect on the King and Queen of the Greek Underworld.
Karni's boyfriend, Teharon of the Mohawks, who didn't have a mohawk at all, tried next. “Hades? Um, excuse me?”
“Hmm?” Hades murmured without pulling his mouth away from his wife's.
“Whoa, okay, that was some serious tongue,” Torrent noted as he looked away.
“Allow me,” Pan declared as he sauntered over to the couple.
Pan pulled out his cellphone and hit the record button. The small beep that announced the recording mode was all it took to stop the wanton display. Hades jerked back as if we'd thrown water on him and glared at Pan.
Persephone looked over her shoulder to ask in horror, “Are youfilmingus?”
“Well, if you're going to put on a show, I might as well make some money off it.” Pan shrugged.
“Yes, all right,” Hades snarled as he yanked off his dark sunglasses to glare at the Porno God. “You've made your point. Now go away, horny god.”
“You think those eyes scare me?” Pan scoffed. “I just saw Vervain go flamey over food, your underworld fires are nothing compared to that.”
Hades grimaced, glanced at me, and replaced his sunglasses in irritation.
“Don't worry, Sizzle-Butt, we can make out later when we're on stakeout,” Persephone kissed her husband's cheek. “A stakeout make out.” She giggled.
“I love you to Hell and back, Bunny-Nose,” Hades declared with a straight face and a sincere tone.
I looked over at Austin and found him staring back at me with wide, horrified, and fascinated eyes.
I chuckled and shrugged. “Yep, that's the powerful God of the Underworld and his not-so-reluctant bride. I know, they threw me a bit too when I first met them. The really horrible part is that I was the one who gave Hades that nickname.”
“You came up with sizzle-butt? That's pretty good.” Austin tipped his beer bottle at me.
“Thank you.”
“So, what do you call Zeus?” He shot back with a smirk.
“Dead.”
“What?” Austin gaped at me.
“Zeus is dead,” I clarified. “He was Persephone's dad.”
“Damn.” Austin's gaze shot over to Sephy. “I'm so sorry for your loss.”
“It's all right.” Persephone waved off his concern and flung her long, chocolate-brown hair over her shoulder. “He wasn't a nice person. Most people think he deserved what he got.”
“Barbecue,” I whispered to Austin.
“Do wut?” He blinked in bafflement.
“That's how he died.”
“Zeus died from eating BBQ?”
“No, Zeuswasthe BBQ.” I laughed my ass off at his expression.
Hell, all of us laughed, even Sephy.
That may sound callous, but Zeus had been a horrible person. So had Demeter, for that matter, but at least she had loved Persephone. I'm not so sure about Zeus. I have no idea how Sephy turned out as sweet as she did. I just know that I'm grateful to her parents for having her and for being dead. Horrible but true.
