Luke smiled sadly. “Yeah. I should’ve really put my foot down and stopped that sort of thing, but it… it got worse.”
Instinctively, I put my mug down on the coffee table and went closer to him, curling next to him for some contact. I still had Tonya on the back of the couch, so I picked her up and pressed her against Luke’s stomach.
Wrapping his arm around her, Luke continued. “It got bad enough that scenes weren’t sexy anymore. I started to hate the idea of doing a scene with my own husband because I knew he’d demand more than I felt comfortable giving. I could, of course, and Iwould, but nothing about it worked for me anymore.”
A small whimper of sympathy escaped me, and Luke smiled sadly again.
“Mal told me that the last time he and Allen saw us do a scene, they almost stopped it. It had looked so wrong.”
“It was wrong,” I whispered.
“Yeah, it was. But then a few days later he decided to go on a diving trip with his friends and….” Before I could say anything, not that I knew what to say, Luke took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “After the funeral, I discovered that he’d taken out credit cards on both our names. Our savings account was completely empty, and he owed over ten grand to some shady loan shark.”
“Holy….” I slapped a hand over my mouth, my eyes wide with shock.
Luke finished his coffee. “So yeah, I have no idea what I want nowadays. Other than to not hurt anyone. It doesn’t feel good anymore.” He smiled wryly. “I have done some scenes with subs in the community since. At play parties and such, when someone asked, or I felt like trying. But it’s never felt good again.”
I tried to figure out if I could say what I wanted or if he’d be offended. Eventually I decided to be honest.
“I think you might have a trauma from those scenes,” I said quietly.
He sat quietly next to me, Tonya still under the arm I was lightly leaning to.
“I think you might be right. I went to therapy after he died. For a while. It was a kink friendly therapist too, so I could talk about all of it, but I think some of the bad stuff still lingers.”
I hummed. “I don’t think I have any trauma from Carl, nor do I feel like I need therapy at the moment, but if that changes I’ll definitely want your therapist’s info.”
“And you’ll have it as soon as you want it.” He put his mug on the coffee table and leaned back again. This time he grabbed Tonya with the other hand and lifted the one next to me. I took it as the invitation it was and cuddled even closer.
I began to play with Tonya’s tail because I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands. He turned her so I had easier reach, and we sat there in silence for a good long while.
“What would youliketo try?” I whispered, so that breaking the peace would feel less sudden.
Luke hummed. He thought for a moment. “I don’t even know. He was never a service submissive, it was all about the high of impact play and other more physical things for him. I think I’d like to try that.” He sighed. “But it’s hard, you know. That’s more… time consuming.” He hesitated for a bit, and I wondered if he was going to elaborate, but he didn’t.
“Anything else?”
“Can I ask you something first?”
I nodded against his arm. “Sure.”
“When we were at the munch, what did you think about all of it? Were there any conversations or people you found interesting and that sort of thing?”
“My talk with Master Allen was really nice.” I thought for a moment. I didn’t know how to put my thoughts into words, really, but… “Something about the littles unsettled me.”
Luke squeezed me a bit, which made me melt further against him. I hadn’t been held like this in ages.
“I could tell,” he admitted. “It can be odd to see something different you’re not used to. Wait until you see some of the puppy players.”
I giggled. “Do they really wear those hoods and like those”—I whispered—“plugs that have tails?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, they really do. Although there are other options for the tails, they aren’t always plugs.”
I giggled again, I couldn’t help it. “That’s so silly!”
“To you, maybe, but you should definitely get to know more of the people in the community. There’s obviously nothing wrong with anything safe, sane, and consensual or, as someone like Allen might say, risk aware consensual kink.”
I got serious in an instant. “Of course not! I didn’t mean—”
