Because it makes you more available. If you’re out and begin to live openly, you might actually want more than a casual thing. Before Mark could reply, Francis added: I knew I wanted a long-term relationship, I just didn’t know how much.
The feeling that came over him as he waited for a reply had him quaking. His heart was jumping in his chest, and he felt like he was about to get sick.
That really is scary. But sometimes scary is worth it.
Smiling, Francis left his phone behind and went to take that shower.
* * * *
The next day he booked an appointment with Kaos and began to think about what he wanted his first tattoo to be.
In the end he went with something extremely vague to anyone but himself. Well, he assumed Marcus would’ve known, had he been around to see it.
Growing up, Marcus had loved Shakespeare. It had been his secret obsession as a teenager and Francis had both teased him gently and learned to love the plays and sonnets himself.
Because they were teenagers, Hamlet and the skull was the coolest thing, ever, for a while. They even talked about going to Denmark together one day. It had been a silly dream, but it had still been important to them.
From Hamlet, they also got their motto:This above all: to thine own self be true.Of course, being young, they forgot about the motto and it came up every now and then over the next thirty years.
Maybe Francis had forgotten it a bit too often lately?
That’s why he chose a grey-scale mermaid for his tattoo. He didn’t explain it to Kaos and Kaos didn’t ask. It was a beautiful piece of art, and he listened to music while Kaos pushed ink under his skin to make it permanent.
As Kaos worked, Francis sank into the pain of having his ribs tattooed, and that cleansed his mind, too. He made some rough decisions during that afternoon.
He loved the finished piece. It reminded him of the mermaid statue in Copenhagen in Denmark without looking the same. And with her on his skin, he’d remember to be true to himself, to not forget himself, and it would let him let go of Marcus’s ghost that still grasped at his heart every now and then.
* * * *
They had a Tuesday off at the same time the week after Francis’s tattoo was done. They’d been texting more again, but hadn’t actually met other than in passing in town and once at the Grahams’ when Mark had been there for his weekend visit.
Francis got ingredients for homemade pizza and they made those together at Mark’s. It felt weird, being domestic like this.
Francis leaned his hip to the counter and watched as Mark sprinkled cheese on top of his pizza, his expression that of concentration to the max.
“What?” Mark glanced at him, smiling.
“I like this,” Francis replied. “Being here with you like this.”
Mark made sure that the bag of grated cheese was closed and came to Francis. He dipped his head and kissed Francis as if it was the most normal, casual thing to do. For them, it still wasn’t. Not like it had been in Francis’s previous relationships. Maybe that was why it felt so amazing?
“After we eat, can you take over?” Mark asked quietly against Francis’s lips, his eyes still closed.
Francis gave him a small smile. “Of course, darling. Whatever you need.”
Mark pulled back enough and opened his eyes to look at Francis. “No, only if you want to do it, too.”
“Hey, I’ve missed it too. I want to.”
“Okay.” Mark’s smile was hopeful. “Can you… would you make it a lot?”
Francis did the math, then. “They’ll call tomorrow.”
“Yes. I’d like to… to be able to….” He sighed, turning his head away from Francis.
“You need help tonight to be able to come out to them tomorrow.”
“Yes. I want something to… to hold onto.”
